Otiluke and his bee-monkey army apocalypse!



Feb 15, 2007 16:48:36
Otiluke, as presented in Folk, Feuds and Factions, was a great character. Small and weak, he's one of the few humans who could wear a magical item called gauntlets of kobold power and have it actually benefit him tremendously. It was probably intended as one of those cursed items you can't take off, but Otiluke loved his.

His spells were an obvious reaction to his physique. They were all either the big "overcompensating" explodey things Rary was so contemptuous of, or magical screens intended to defend him against attacks.

Otiluke was not a wise man, either. With a wisdom of 8 he was, of all the Circle, the least endowed with common sense. Mentally, he was brilliant, the match for Tenser and Bigby in sheer intellectual prowess, but some of his ideas were a few tankards short of a keg.

All this is why I was delighted to see, in the Monster Manual IV, the creation of a monster called a "howler wasp" attributed to Otiluke. Unnatural abominations, the product of magical meddling in genetics, these quickly-reproducing monsters are crossbreeds of giant wasps and carnivorous monkeys. Otiluke made them to defend his home against a cabal of slaadi, but he was of course unable to control them and they escaped into the wild.

This is the best thing ever. Can you imagine Otiluke explaining his brilliant new project to Rary? "I had the wasps, and I had the monkeys - how could I not create hideous miscegenations of the two? I owed it to the future of science!" I think this must have been the real reason Rary killed him; such a threat to the survival of sapient life on the planet could not be permitted any further experiments.

I wonder if that was part of his interview when he was applying to become a member of the Circle. "I understand you're a very accomplished wizard, Otiluke. Can you tell us about your current projects?"

"Well, I've been crossbreeding giant wasps with monkeys..."

Can you imagine Otiluke shrieking, "Monkey-wasp army, attack!" in a nerdy, nasal voice? And then, when they went after him instead, screaming "Noo! Monkey-wasp army, obey meee! Your master commands you!"

What a wonderful example of high-intelligence, low-wisdom characters.

I can imagine how he upset the slaadi in the first place, too; he probably summoned a few and tried to cross them with something. Or maybe they just thought it would be hilarious to get Otiluke even more paranoid and hyperactive than usual, just to see what sort of chaos that might cause.

Deleted scene from "The House on Summoner Court" in Oerth Journal 7:

'Do I know who lived in that house? I should say so! That's the bee-monkey house! How could anyone forget the day the Archmage "Bloody Stupid" Otiluke fought off a horde of extradimensional frog-creatures with an army of bee-monkeys? Practically the whole neighborhood had to be rebuilt! I hope the next owner is a better neighbor. Maybe a Nerull-worshipping murder cult, for example, or a mind flayer. Anything would better than another Otiluke!'


Feb 16, 2007 2:46:36


Feb 16, 2007 8:48:13
RIP bee-monkey master.