So, without further ado:
The Shawahe, as they call themselves, are a fierce tribe of desert halflings that enjoys a sinister reputation throughout the Scorched Plateau and Barrier Wastes regions.
Due to the absence of contact between them and the dissimilarity of their chosen environments, the Shawahe differs quite markedly from the Forest Ridge tribes.
Area of Activity
The Small Water Oasis, a half a mile wide strip of verdant land encircling an azure lake one hundred yards across, is the hub of the tribe’s territory and the foremost source of water for the local fauna. It is the primary dwelling place for most tribesmembers, especially children, elders and women, and it provides the Shawahe with fruits, herbs and a variety of vegetables. Though many animals reside in the oasis or come to it to slake their thirst, these are hunted only occasionally and many are considered to be allies or even full members of the tribe.
Partly because of the cruel winds that torment the area almost without relent, partly for defensive reasons and partly because the tribe simply prefers it so, no buildings can be found aboveground except for a few tentlike huts hidden deep within the oasis. Many activities are performed lakeside, during the day, and the oasis bears a great deal of signs of the tribe’s presence, such as mystical carvings in the trees or the remains of large bonfires on clearings in the woods, but the sleeping grounds of the Shawahe lie underneath the earth inside a wide network of underground tunnels, where the tribe also keeps much of its supplies and other possessions. The tunnels are crude but mostly stable; they are supported by extensive arrays of wooden shafts intermingled with the roots of trees overhead. They tend to be narrow – even a dwarf would feel constrained inside most of the tunnels – and almost all are fairly close to the surface, though a few wide halls exist deeper in the earth.
The intermediate land between the oasis and the desolate Glowing Desert, a stretch of roughly two miles in all directions from the oasis’ border that consists of a blend of the stony barrens and sandy wastes terrain types, is also claimed by the tribe as part of its primary territory. Many tunnels crisscross this land, though considerably fewer than can be found underneath the oasis; these are mainly used by male halflings for patrolling and as a resting place in-between hunts. The surface is covered with large, ominous boulders bearing extensive petroglyphs and the remains of many ceremonial pyres. Several dangerous beasts roam the area, including a large pack of sand howlers that has been semidomesticated by the Shawahe.
Further lands are claimed by the tribe as hunting territory but are not considered to be part of the Small Water Oasis proper. These are limited by the Lava Gorge to the west, by the Sea of Silt to the north and to the east and by the White Mountains to the south, and include a vast range of terrains, though the tribe chiefly haunts the northeastern portions of the Glowing Desert and the surrounding rocky badlands. The Shawahe lurk through the hunting grounds as ghosts; concealed by the relentless winds, extensive body paint, temporary tunnels and their tremendous patience and skill, their hunting parties seemingly merge with the terrain, becoming visible only after striking.
Shawahe appreciation for camouflage and stealth is so great that they all wear paint in their sleep; even toddlers wear it, though they never leave the oasis.
Rites and Symbolism
Every aspect of the Shawahe’s lives is accompanied by rituals. No matter how small – a quick prayer whispered into the wind before felling a beast; handling the food in a proper manner and sequence when preparing a meal – the observance of some sort of ritual whenever a meaningful task or event takes place is a deeply ingrained habit; not only do scores of established rituals exist for almost every possible occasion, but a Shawahe halfling may come up with a new one on the spot, if confronted with a situation he feels that warrants it. This behaviour reflects the Shawahe’s stance in life: every minor event must be cherished and embraced so that life won’t go by unappreciated. But it mostly reflects their view on the world itself: literally everything, whether a rock, a plant or an animal, is inhabited by a spirit and, therefore, possesses a personality and must be treated with a measure of respect; not only do rituals demonstrate this respect, but they are also most effective ways of handling the spirits. Hence, a spear isn’t just a weapon, it’s a valued companion that, if neglected, may retaliate by hindering its owner in battle – something no sane warrior would ever risk. If properly maintained, however, it will become eager to assist its wearer; and if ritually dressed with the feathers of a bird of prey or the bones of a dangerous beast, it might absorb desirable traits from those animals and become even deadlier in combat.
A myriad of spirits play important roles in the Shawahe’s ritualistic habits, the highest and most revered of them being the great Spirits of the Land. The Shawahe halflings recognize – and all but worship – four major Spirits of the Land that are tied to the Small Water Oasis. Two Spirits, one of Air and one of Fire, are manifestations of the fiery winds that blow mercilessly from Lava Gorge. Another Spirit, one of Water, is a manifestation of the Small Water Lake and of the rains that occasionally bless the area. The soil of Small Water is the fourth major Spirit, representing Earth. Each creature or minor Spirit of the Land that dwells on the Shawahe’s territory, including themselves, is understood to be intrinsically related to one of the four major Spirits to the extent of being a part of the Spirit. Four animals, however, are thought to embody their patrons especially so: the Zahrr (sand howler) is the main totem of the Fire Spirit; the Hwayak (a hawk-like bird distantly related to the kes’trekel) is the main totem of the Air Spirit; the Seeriss (an extremely poisonous water snake) is the main totem of the Water Spirit; and the Hraur (Athasian bear) is the main totem of the Earth Spirit. The four Spirits are also related to each other and are thought to represent different aspects of a fifth Spirit that encompasses the entirety of Small Water and its inhabitants.
The Elements are honored through rituals focusing on the four Spirits but they are also revered independently, particularly the Element of Air which, due to its oppressive influence over the entire area, the Shawahe are always eager to appease. The desert halflings have learned not only to survive the relentless wind, but to thrive in it: the dust it carries makes them hard to see, its incessant movement makes them difficult to smell and its deafening murmur makes them almost impossible to hear. Under Air’s shield they have become the most fearsome stalkers of the region but it’s a harsh, maddening ally.
Both the greater Spirits of the Land and the Elements figure prominently in the symbolism of the tribe’s three most important rites of passage: the coming of age, marriage and funeral.
The coming of age is a traumatic event in which an adolescent is subjected to the unkind scrutiny of the four Spirits and their elemental patrons for the purpose of inuring the young tribesmember against the hardships of Athasian life and to forge a deeper connection between him and the greater forces that dictate the tribe’s survival. Teenage boys are bound to a large boulder and left to the mercy of the winds and the sun for the better part of a day; girls drink poison made from several roots mixed together with seeriss venom, and have to endure its effects for a similar period of time. Hysteria and hallucinations are common during the ordeal, and the whole experience mystically imparts knowledge and understanding of the responsabilities of adulthood. A mentor of the appropriate gender holds vigil over the youth throughout the rite, but is allowed to interfere only in the direst of circumstances. Not all adolescents go through their coming of age unscathed. Many bear emotional scars for the rest of their lives and a few are found wanting and fail to survive it at all. The most important part of the rite is discovering and making contact with one’s personal totem. This totem makes itself known through a variety of manners, such as through a vision or a visit from one of its material representatives, and demonstrates its rapport with the adult-to-be through a gesture of some sort; the encounter is entirely distinct for each person. Males are approached by the totemic spirits of Fire or Air, usually the Zahrr or the Hwayak but other animal totems are also possible. Likewise, female halflings are approached by totemic spirits of Water and Earth, usually the Seeriss or the Hraur.
Despite the informality of Shawahe society and its general lack of structured labor division, gender roles feature strongly in the tribe. Males are associated with Fire and Air, and usually perform tasks related to appeasing those two elements, as well as hunting, raiding and any other duty that requires traveling beyond the reaches of the oasis. Females are associated with Water and Earth, and usually are responsible for dealing with those two elements, as well as attending to the protection and maintenance of the Oasis and to the physical and mental welfare of the tribe. It is not unusual for a tribesmember to perform some duty normally associated with the opposite sex, but true adoption of an opposite gender role is rare. This generally occurs during the coming of age rite and is regarded as indicative of an unusually strong connection to a totem, albeit one linked to a different gender; it is commonly considered to be an auspicious event, especially if a halfling of the opposite sex also willing to adopt an opposite gender role is available for marriage.
Wedlock is another strong component of Shawahe society. Any single member is regarded as only half complete, since it takes both a man and a woman to fulfill all the duties toward the tribe and the great Spirits; couples are considered to be far more powerful and effective than they would be if unmarried. Though love is a very favorable motivation for marriage, its primary purpose is the betterment of the tribe so couples are sometimes joined together regardless of whether they harbour romantic feelings for each other or not. Extramarital affairs are tolerated as long as they are discreet, but offsprings are expected to be generated only within marriage.
The rite of wedding resembles the coming of age, but in reverse: the groom drinks poison and is approached by the totem of his wife to be, and vice versa. The dosage of the poison is roughly half of what is ingested in the coming of age, and the duration of exposure to the wind is likewise half, so the torment is much more bearable. A best friend of the groom holds vigil over the bride and a best friend of the bride holds vigil over the groom; each are trusted with keeping the friend’s future spouse from harm. The point of the ordeal is to gain appreciation for the mate’s role and attributes. The rite is completed privately upon consummation of the marriage, which only happens a few days later.
The third major rite of passage celebrates and perpetuates the Shawahe halflings’ already inextricable connection to their land. Deceased tribesmembers are excarnated and their flesh is ritualistically consumed by the entire tribe. The bones, however, are given to the Spirits: they are either buried in the shallow parts of the lake or under the trees of the oasis if the deceased was female, or in the outlying barrens if he was male; to satisfy their roving nature, a few male halflings request that upon their deaths their bones instead be incinerated – their wish is carried out with great sorrow for, in the service of the wandering Air, there is no guarantee that they will ever visit the tribe again. The spirits of the deceased are thought to be absorbed by the appropriate Spirit of the Land and, thus, live on as one of it’s many aspects. Revering the Spirits is, hence, also a form of ancestor worship.
To the Shawahe, the act of eating has a great significance that goes well beyond simple sustenance: it means, literally, to ingest another creature’s power. Upon feasting on the flesh of a mul gladiator, for example, a Shawahe halfling expects to gain some of his prowess, cunning and might. A psionic beast’s flesh could provide psychic talents or enhance one’s intellect. Even plants provide useful qualities, for they are inhabited by spirits as well, some of them quite powerful. Eating another creature is also a symbolic way of establishing dominance over it: by consuming sentient beings and dangerous predators, the Small Water halflings set themselves above those creatures in the food chain. The symbolism behind eating their own dead is entirely different, however; it is a mystical and literal way of keeping the dead close to the living, and of retaining their strength within the tribe forever. It is regarded as a tremendous display of love and respect, and not at all as cannibalism – no Small Water halfling would ever eat another for the purpose of nourishment, not even if confronted with death by starvation.
The tribe claims several semiwild beasts as their own. These beasts – totemic animals, most of them - help the tribe in a myriad of ways: hwayaa catch smaller prey and help hunters spot targets across vast distances; zaahrr help take down larger prey and help dragging the to the tunnels; hrauur act as very large beasts of burden; seeriiss provide dreadful poisons to the tribe; and so on. All such animals are considered to be true members of the tribe, and are never preyed upon. The Shawahe believe the beasts have their own versions of the rites of passage and the halflings do not interfere with them, save for the last; upon their deaths, their flesh is similarly consumed by the tribe and their bones are similarly given to the Spirits.
Creatures marked by weakness or corruption – cowards or defiler wizards, for instance – are not eaten. They are incinerated on pyres built atop boulders on the stony barrens surrounding the oasis, instead, so that the Spirit of Air may carry them far way from the tribe. A very few tribesmembers are also disposed of in this manner though this is usually reserved only for the most disgraceful and depraved of them.
Organization
The Shawahe follow no single chieftain, but seven tribal leaders instead.
The Keeper of the Spears is consulted on matters regarding hunting, raiding and war; this position is very nearly always held by a male ranger. The Keeper of the Winds is the authority on matters regarding clerical rites and the elements; this keeper is almost invariably a male cleric of Air. The Keepers of the Songs – there are two of them - are responsible for preserving the oral history of the Shawahe. This honor usually falls upon a bard of each gender; each keeper is supposed to preserve the gender specific songs meant only for tribemembers of his or her own sex. A married couple is considered to be the most auspicious pairing possible, of course, but that’s not mandatory. The Keeper of the Shadows’ responsabilities are psionics and the mental health of the tribe; this keeper is always some sort of practitioner of the Way (most commonly Psions or Wilders), and is usually female. The Keeper of the Blood watches over the tribe’s physical health and is also responsible for the children’s well being; she is almost without exception a female, and frequently also a druid. The Keeper of the Bones, always a female Grove Master of considerable power, is the guardian of the Small Water lands and its Spirits, and is the closest thing the Shawahe have to a true figure of authority. She rarely interferes with the day-to-day life of the tribe, however, and her priority isn’t the tribe but Small Water as a whole, of which the Shawahe are but one part.
There is a great deal of overlapping between the keepers’ areas of responsabilities, and that isn’t accidental; with the possible exception of the Keeper of the Bones, no single keeper has the final word on any matter. The keepers are more like specialized advisors than rulers, and the decision making process is almost entirely informal. Everyone’s opinions hold weight and the more respected tribesmembers’ opinions more so, whether a keeper or not.
At one time there was an eighth keeper, the Keeper of the Picts, responsible for preserver magic and writing. This position was always held by a male tribesmember that was born outside the tribe; the Shawahe traditionally exchanged one third of the pubescent males of each generation with the three halfling tribes of the White Mountain forests, one-ninth with each. On arrival, the cross-tribal males were promptly subjected to the rite of passage for the purpose of creating a link between them and the Spirits of the land. Their bones, however, were given to the winds (through cremation) so that their spirits could return to their original tribes upon their deaths. A few of the newcomers would usually be neophyte preservers, so that the Shawahe would be supplied with arcane magic and pictlore - the Small Water tribe always regarded those two knowledges with great suspicion. However, this custom was interrupted a generation ago after a serious falling out between the Shawahe and the three tribes. As a consequence, the Keeper of the Picts position was extinguished and the Shawahe have been left with very little arcane magic of its own.
Other than the keeper system, the underlying gender roles and the boundaries between adulthood and childhood, there are no formal rules for what a halfling’s duties and social standing are supposed to be. There are no professions and no established ranks. Informality is prevalent in the Shawahe society.
Relations with Outsiders and Recent Events
The Shawahe have an ages-old policy for dealing with outsiders: they eat them.
Trespassers who somehow threaten the tribe or the integrity of their land are either picked off one by one through guerrilla tactics or, in some rather extreme cases, are ambushed en masse and slaughtered to the last. Travelers and traders who merely wish to cross the tribe’s territory are usually allowed to do so, though one or two of their numbers are often snatched along the way. Ssurran trading parties have come to accept this as a gruesome toll paid for the privileges of shortened traveling time and protection from raiders – the Small Water halflings *love* to ambush Bandit States warrior parties right after a raid, when their prey are distracted, exhausted and full of loot. The bandits have learned to avoid Small Water and its vicinities, but the Shawahe periodically journey south for raider hunting.
Despite their grisly, and well earned, reputation, the Shawahe rarely bothered their neighbours much as long as they were left alone, and usually kept a rather low key profile in the past. They are now becoming increasingly aggressive and violent, however, a direct consequence of the disruption of their tribal life – like cornered animals, they sense they are in danger.
Their estrangement from the forest halfling tribes was a terrible blow to the Shawahe, and the tragedy that brought it about was a highly traumatic event. It was the Shawahe’s worst nightmare come true: an extremely potent, cunning and insane Keeper of the Picts that decided to delve into defiler magic. The madness that twisted the young halfling was a subtle one and the tribe at first mistook his eeriness for the simple excentricity that befits a wizard. Nevertheless he had become thoroughly psychotic at the onset of his admission into the tribe, during the ordeal of his rite of passage – which, the Shawahe claimed, had only brought forth the corruption that was already within him. Even though their relationship was always somewhat strained because of their extreme cultural differences, that was the very first time the Small Water and the White Mountain tribes almost went to war: the Shawahe due to the renewed distrust of magic and of the preserver chieftains of the forest halflings, and the White Mountain tribes due to the perceived brutality with which the desert halflings handled the son of one of their chieftains. Though the strong halfling racial bond deterred the war, the incident still cost the Shawahe their closest allies and trade partners; it also severely restricted the gene pool accessible to the tribe, meaning that inbreeding depression and subsequent extinction in the next few generations has just become a very real possibility. The Shawahe have managed to kill their insane adopted tribesmate, though they have not given him to the Air Spirit; they consumed him, instead, so that his corruption will not spread beyond the tribe’s reach. They have taken upon themselves the responsibility of restraining his spirit – despite the danger of conserving his taint within the tribe.
The Shawahe were further cut off from the large ssurran trade network when the Flaming Scales, their ancient partners and the only ssurran tribe with whom the Shawahe had trading relations, perished to the last upon the destruction of their mountain fortress/warehouse near the Sea of Silt at the hands of Daskinor’s templars for some unknown – and possibly imaginary – slight to the king. This left the Small Water halflings with no means of bartering away “useless” loot such as coins and, far more critically, no means of obtaining a wide sort of extremely important goods such as high quality obsidian for making spear tips, or herbs and spices from the Somber Woods for making poisons, medicines, and for seasoning meat; the Shawahe and the other ssurran tribes are loath to approach one another, for the Small Water halflings have developed a taste for the near inedible ssurran flesh, and the ssurran race conversely has a known taste for halfling flesh, as well.
On top of it all, game animals in the region are becoming somewhat scarce. Though climate fluctuations are also to blame, this is mostly due to increased hunting and grazing from the neighbouring elven tribes and their kank herds. Concerned only with the now, the Moon Runners and the Shorefollowers have enjoyed centuries of prosperity and growth at the expense of the ecosystem. The cooperation between those two tribes also led to the steep decline of their local enemies, such as the siltrunners who were once very numerous in the area and a staple of Shawahe diet.
The longstanding rivalry and competition between the Small Water halflings and the elves has finally degenerated into open aggression. The final straw was the killing of an adolescent hraur perpetrated by elven hunters – though they were probably just trying to defend themselves from the five-ton beast. Convinced that the elves are a threat to their survival – and the only threat that they can actually do something about – the Shawahe have recently launched two lightning strikes at the Moon Runners and the Shorefollowers, successfully crippling the latter. The much larger Moon Runners were another matter, however. Though the Shawahe managed to kill many of their warriors and their dangerous head wizard, the Moon Runners are still a force to reckon. For the time, the halflings are content to watch their enemies and observe their reactions, for the element of surprise is gone, but they fully intend to take the contention to the last consequences. They hope that the enraged elves will attempt a reckless attack on Small Water itself, for they plan to use their superior desert stealth and connection to their lands to continuously harass the elves thoughout their march in the Glowing Desert and then finish them off. Nevertheless, the Moon Runners outnumber the Shawahe almost two to one, and the fighting will likely be sanguinary.
This makes me wanted to revist my game note on Last Port and post them.
This makes me wanted to revist my game note on Last Port and post them.
Please, go ahead! Exchanging ideas is what forums are all about.
#1 Criticism
Run-on Sentances and multi-claused sentances.
You need to work on breaking your ideas into a more managable size. The text is full of run-on sentances. Some of them can be easily broken down into seperate sentances, but others I'm not sure how to untangle. Those in the latter category make sense as single sentances, but have so many clauses in them that they are difficult to follow.
#2 Criticism
Lack of Voice
I'm not sure if you even thought about this when you were writing, but the voice that you use in your writing can add a lot of depth to the description. If you aren't sure what I am talking about I would direct you to the Wanderer's Chronicle (of which I am sure you are aware) which is written from the perspective of a wandering Earth Cleric keeping a journal on what he has seen and expirienced during his travels. This sort of writing is very engaging, as it puts you into the expirience through someone elses eyes.
Right now the voice that I am getting from your story sounds very much like a textbook or an anthropological survey from your own perspective. I think if you imagined a character that was writing this account of the Shawane and tried to write as though you were that character your piece would be a lot more compeling.
Some Things I liked
I really like the direction you've taken this group in, a lot of your core ideas are very good. These are some of the things I think are really cool and why:
They live underground: gives variety and makes them stick out from the other halfling cultures that have been described
They are steeped in ritual observance: This adds a lot of flavor to the small water halflings; by defining their rituals and the siginificance of said rituals, you define the people themselves. This aspect is especially useful to anyone wanting to play a character who comes from the Smallwater tribe. I would hope for a little more depth in this area however and they way you have described rites of passage is very dry, I think a more subjective and colorful description would be better. Also, I'm finding the 2nd and 3rd rites awfully repetative and a little lacking in meaning, though I think that is more a matter of how they are described then a need for them to be substantive changed.
Each of the Elements has it's own animal spirit: This is a good bit of detail, it helps to focus the religious aspect of elemental clerics a little within the context of the Smallwater tribe.
OK, so here are some general impressions and suggestions:
#1 Criticism
Run-on Sentances and multi-claused sentances.
You need to work on breaking your ideas into a more managable size. The text is full of run-on sentances. Some of them can be easily broken down into seperate sentances, but others I'm not sure how to untangle. Those in the latter category make sense as single sentances, but have so many clauses in them that they are difficult to follow.
Right. Sorry about that. I don't really have much writing experience...
I've noticed that I often make that mistake when I'm debating or explaining stuff: building thoughts within thoughts. Will be more careful from now on.
#2 Criticism
Lack of Voice
I'm not sure if you even thought about this when you were writing, but the voice that you use in your writing can add a lot of depth to the description. If you aren't sure what I am talking about I would direct you to the Wanderer's Chronicle (of which I am sure you are aware) which is written from the perspective of a wandering Earth Cleric keeping a journal on what he has seen and expirienced during his travels. This sort of writing is very engaging, as it puts you into the expirience through someone elses eyes.
Right now the voice that I am getting from your story sounds very much like a textbook or an anthropological survey from your own perspective. I think if you imagined a character that was writing this account of the Shawane and tried to write as though you were that character your piece would be a lot more compeling.
Well, that was more or less deliberate on my part. I admit I overdid the dryness, but I actually intended the description to be neutral and somewhat "textbooky". I'm more used to that style of writing, so I thought it would be easier to structure my text that way.
Also, I consulted with an archaeologist friend of mine for some of the ideas, so his influence probably seeped into my writing.
They are steeped in ritual observance: This adds a lot of flavor to the small water halflings; by defining their rituals and the siginificance of said rituals, you define the people themselves.
Thanks! That's exactly what I was aiming for.
Also, I'm finding the 2nd and 3rd rites awfully repetative and a little lacking in meaning, though I think that is more a matter of how they are described then a need for them to be substantive changed.
You mean the writing is repetitive or the concepts?
Conceptually, at least, the 1st and 2nd are supposed to be repetitive: they are basically the same ritual. The 3rd is supposed to be substantially different...
Well, that was more or less deliberate on my part. I admit I overdid the dryness, but I actually intended the description to be neutral and somewhat "textbooky". I'm more used to that style of writing, so I thought it would be easier to structure my text that way.
Also, I consulted with an archaeologist friend of mine for some of the ideas, so his influence probably seeped into my writing.
OIC, well that makes sense then. I can't say that I'm very fond of the style, but you have certainly captured it well. I do think there is still a little room for color without changing the voice from it's archaelogical flavor. You could make comparisons to other groups with the setting and insert a few personal thoughts or questions that the character has about the halflings without too much trouble. More then anything I think you should just try to capture the feeling that you are an Athasian Archaelogist rather then an Earthling one.
Thanks! That's exactly what I was aiming for.
Good :D , well I would certainly encourage you to take it a little further if you have any more ideas about their relationship with the spirits and their daily or occasional ritutals. Perhaps you could talk a little about the rituals surrounding the hunt, the giving of gifts, or ritual sacrifice.
You mean the writing is repetitive or the concepts?
Conceptually, at least, the 1st and 2nd are supposed to be repetitive: they are basically the same ritual. The 3rd is supposed to be substantially different...
I might have misspoken on that one, I'll have to reread that part of the text again and get back to you later.
OIC, well that makes sense then. I can't say that I'm very fond of the style, but you have certainly captured it well.
lol...
I do think there is still a little room for color without changing the voice from it's archaelogical flavor.
Agreed.
More then anything I think you should just try to capture the feeling that you are an Athasian Archaelogist rather then an Earthling one.
That's a pretty good suggestion! I'll keep that in mind next time.
Something else I'd add:
The idea that four seperate SotL would hold dominion over a single land feature seems a long shot to me at best. Also, to my understanding the SotL don't necessarally differentiate themselves through the four elements, ie. IMO they would seem an amalgamation of those elements present in the chosen guarded land. So, to me it would make more sense if the mentioned fifth spirit (the one that holds sway over the four totem creatures) is the only SotL. Just my thoughts on the matter.
Also, I think the history dealing with the White Mountain tribes is perhaps a little weak. Perhaps its just the lack of detail...not too sure what's buggin' me there.
And lastly, I think perhaps the overall appearance of these guys has become a little too goody-goody...I mean, these guys are feared throughout the region having a reputation as bad as the Black Sand Raiders and the Silt Stalkers - both bloodthirsty bands of marauders. From this text, I just don't get that feeling.
Anyhoo, just a couple of thoughts for you to mull over...appreciate the effort. We can always use more stuff like this. Keep it up. You won't be sorry :D
I might have misspoken on that one, I'll have to reread that part of the text again and get back to you later.
I read through the text in question again and I'm not sure what I was thinking. Disregard that comment :D
Some interesting stuff you've got here. I like most of it, although I do agree with Sage's points (with, perhaps, the exception of the need for a "voice"...to me not really necessary - my two cps).
Well, as I realized from his responce, I was mistaken about that. I think some useful fruit was born from the exchange though.
Something else I'd add:
The idea that four seperate SotL would hold dominion over a single land feature seems a long shot to me at best. Also, to my understanding the SotL don't necessarally differentiate themselves through the four elements, ie. IMO they would seem an amalgamation of those elements present in the chosen guarded land. So, to me it would make more sense if the mentioned fifth spirit (the one that holds sway over the four totem creatures) is the only SotL. Just my thoughts on the matter.
I think this is supposed to represent the tribes beliefs, but I do agree that it is a little confusing the way it's worded.
Also, I think the history dealing with the White Mountain tribes is perhaps a little weak. Perhaps its just the lack of detail...not too sure what's buggin' me there.
You're right, It's written in the present tense, whereas the rest is written in the past tense. I think that's the majority of the problem.
And lastly, I think perhaps the overall appearance of these guys has become a little too goody-goody...I mean, these guys are feared throughout the region having a reputation as bad as the Black Sand Raiders and the Silt Stalkers - both bloodthirsty bands of marauders. From this text, I just don't get that feeling.
I think Squid actually has a really good point there. Perhaps you could though in some stuff about them abducting large numbers of peoples from the surrounding areas for ritual sacrifice or even their 1st born children, have them ritually scar themselves instead of focusing so much on the paint thing, or something else to make them seem more fearsome and less likeable.
So when I read your Small Water Tribe halfling Sub-race (they all have Rhulisti genes--DNA-- after all
) description is thought....what the h..l is he trying to do??Nah!! Seriously. I love what you created by writing the SWT (Small Water Tribe) Sorry! Other than that I dont have any critics to post (I'm quite poor in that matter.) Maybe just one... suggestion: You should name your important NPCs a.k.a. your 7 Tribe Leaders, The infamous Halfling defiler. Just to name a few.
It would give the player more to chew on when describing the encounter. Well. Of course any DM could name them as they see fit but like in any official product of the same nature it is always a goud start to name and stat the npc. That give a better general idea of the power (statisticaly speaking) of the tribe in general. As a matter of factly you should at least give a more explicit idea of how many they are. ( with a little more precise details as how many warriors are there in the village at all time and how many patroling ones. how many children, adults ... you get the idea
)I do have a few questions.
Do you have a name for the infamous defiler that cost so mutch to the tribe?
Following what you wrote.. and I quote
... they consumed him, instead, so that his corruption will not spread beyond the tribe’s reach. They have taken upon themselves the responsibility of restraining his spirit – despite the danger of conserving his taint within the tribe
could it be possible that through genration, a desendant craved to become a defiler (at first the child is a miracle because he can cast magic but after entering he's adulthood he begins defiling in secret (because he knows of the chronicle/legend of the infamous defiler who he manage to realise is his heritage. Speaking of wich!!
How did you come to the conclusion that an halfling of the forest mountain --or any halfling for that matter-- could cast magic other then elemental or druidic?? I always thought through canon material that halflings couldnt cast wizardry magic since the Rhulisti themselves. Of course Nock is an anathema for a lot of us but if we stick to official books out there, they cant and never could and never should.
That's my take
PS If you do write more, please edit you first post and change the color so we can see faster what you added. Its simple. (just a suggestion)
The idea that four seperate SotL would hold dominion over a single land feature seems a long shot to me at best.
That's true. I bent the rules a little bit.
Nevertheless, I drew a lot from Lynn Abbey's view on the SotLs. Each Guardian (as she calls the SotLs) seems to possess several different aspects and, in Quraite (sp?) at least, even incorporate the spirits of people that were buried within its domain. I just took the notion a bit further. Besides, the SotLs revered by the Small Water halflings represent different portions of their lands, so it may be that the domains of the SotLs are simply contiguous, instead of overlapping. (Edit: I mean I broke down a single SotL into four different aspects, but another possible interpretation is that the four are distinct SotLs that the Small Water Tribe group together into a single being, in their worldview.)
And lastly, I think perhaps the overall appearance of these guys has become a little too goody-goody...I mean, these guys are feared throughout the region having a reputation as bad as the Black Sand Raiders and the Silt Stalkers - both bloodthirsty bands of marauders. From this text, I just don't get that feeling.
The (rather few) sources that mention the Small Water halflings paint them as one-dimensional, brutal, bloodthirsty savages; I very much wanted to add much more depth to them. Though I do admit my take is mostly sympathetic to them, I hope I've kept some of their aura of menace. I find the idea of stealthy little stalkers that devour people for religious reasons to be rather creepy, for starters...
Also, to my understanding the SotL don't necessarally differentiate themselves through the four elements.
I don't have my books near me, but I seem to recall that MC I differentiates each SotL according to its patron element. It's been some time since I did my research on that, though, so I might be wrong.
Well, as I realized from his responce, I was mistaken about that. I think some useful fruit was born from the exchange though.
Definitely.
I Jihun-NishI must say I'm a fan of the Rhul-Thaun halflings and their history in general.
Likewise!
Maybe just one... suggestion: You should name your important NPCs a.k.a. your 7 Tribe Leaders, The infamous Halfling defiler. Just to name a few.
Indeed. I intend to write an "Important People" section but haven't managed to sit down and do that yet.
As a matter of factly you should at least give a more explicit idea of how many they are. ( with a little more precise details as how many warriors are there in the village at all time and how many patroling ones. how many children, adults ... you get the idea )
Haha. I just realised I didn't put that in the text. My bad.
There's about 200 halflings of all ages in the tribe. Off the top of my head, I'd say there are some 50-60 males either patrolling the borders or out hunting at any given time. An additional 10 males and 70 females are combat capable should the tribe come under attack. The rest are either too old or too young to fight.
How did you come to the conclusion that an halfling of the forest mountain --or any halfling for that matter-- could cast magic other then elemental or druidic?? I always thought through canon material that halflings couldnt cast wizardry magic since the Rhulisti themselves.
Well, the 1st boxed set stated that all halfling chieftains are preservers, though the 2nd boxed set later refuted that. Athas.org stance on the matter seems to be that there are some halfling tribes that do practice preserver magic, though others do not.
I've toyed with the idea that the Small Water halflings always disliked arcane spellcasting but came to tolerate it due to their extensive interbreeding with the neighbouring forest tribes.The woods surrounding the White Mountains also surround New Kurn, so I thought it would be rather reasonable that any halfling tribes residing there would learn magic from the Kurnans. Indeed, the title of the eighth keeper is "Keeper of the Picts". That's a nod to Wisdom of the Drylanders: picts are Kurnan letters. (Edit: Due to their proximity, the three forest tribes were were strongly influenced by the city-states of Kurn, and that influence has trickled down a bit into the Small Water tribe through the centuries.)
Do you have a name for the infamous defiler that cost so mutch to the tribe?
Not yet. I'll come up with something. (I'm open to suggestions, though.)
That's true. I bent the rules a little bit.
Nevertheless, I drew a lot from Lynn Abbey's view on the SotLs. Each Guardian (as she calls the SotLs) seems to possess several different aspects and, in Quraite (sp?) at least, even incorporate the spirits of people that were buried within its domain.
I find the idea of the SotL containing different aspects very interesting. I think it helps add dimension to them and it has a very authentic animist feel to it. Just this idea is enough to justify the Shawane concept of the 4 elemental spirits to together make up the spirit of the land
I just took the notion a bit further. Besides, the SotLs revered by the Small Water halflings represent different portions of their lands, so it may be that the domains of the SotLs are simply contiguous, instead of overlapping. (Edit: I mean I broke down a single SotL into four different aspects, but another possible interpretation is that the four are distinct SotLs that the Small Water Tribe group together into a single being, in their worldview.)
This makes perfect sense in the worldview of the Shawane. The Elemental Clerics of the tribe have a single patron spirit that they whorship above all the others and the Druids pay respects to all the spirits and whorship the Spirit of the entire oasis that embodies all four of the lesser spirits.
The (rather few) sources that mention the Small Water halflings paint them as one-dimensional, brutal, bloodthirsty savages; I very much wanted to add much more depth to them. Though I do admit my take is mostly sympathetic to them, I hope I've kept some of their aura of menace. I find the idea of stealthy little stalkers that devour people for religious reasons to be rather creepy, for starters...
I think you just need to make sure you are capturing that bloodthristiness more eplictly in your text. Focus a little more one it and make it actually sound distrubing.
I don't have my books near me, but I seem to recall that MC I differentiates each SotL according to its patron element. It's been some time since I did my research on that, though, so I might be wrong.
Well in 2nd ed. Druids choose two elements that their guarded lands where most closely attached to to which they gain greater access to, so I suppose the SotL were primarly creatures of two elements with a lesser mix of the other two. I don't ever recall any mention of their being SotL that only embodied one elemental, those would be elementals. I think there is a close connection being elements and SotL, but it is a a little confusing when you blur the lines between them too much.
Well, the 1st boxed set stated that all halfling chieftains are preservers, though the 2nd boxed set later refuted that. Athas.org stance on the matter seems to be that there are some halfling tribes that do practice preserver magic, though others do not.
Not only that but under 3.5 rules there are no racial class restrictions officially allowed. So I think there is a pretty solid argument for Halfling Wizardry. Personally I would still never allow dwarves or kreen to learn the arcane arts.
mention of their being SotL that only embodied one elemental
Finally got to check my books. Sage, I was correct. The entry on Monstruous Compedium I actually classifies the SotLs according to their elemental types.
Check this paragraph...
Habitat/Society: Spirits of the land inhabit nearly all terrain features of Athas. They are completely solitary creatures, being concerned only with their inhabited areas. However, they do coexist with the other spirits in the area. A hot spring, for instance, may be inhabited by both a spirit of fire and water, co-existing peacefully, even though they are diametrically opposed.
When I was conceiving the idea for the Shawahe I made an extensive research on what existed about the related topics in canon sources. Though I had forgotten this, I most certainly used the above paragraph as a major inspiration.
This makes perfect sense in the worldview of the Shawane. The Elemental Clerics of the tribe have a single patron spirit that they whorship above all the others and the Druids pay respects to all the spirits and whorship the Spirit of the entire oasis that embodies all four of the lesser spirits.
Terrific description. Yes, that's precisely what I was thinking. Shawahe Druids are supposed to deal with the tribe's land as a whole. The Clerics deal with specific Elements, which transcend the borders of the Oasis.
I used Lynn Abbey's take on the SotLs to justify fusing the four Spirits of Small Water into a single entity, explaining that each of the smaller spirits is merely one aspect of a greater one.
This centralises the spiritual side of Small Water and, since the Shawahe also consider themselves to be aspects of that Spirit, it validates their sense of connection to their land and to each other.
Lurking