DISCLAIMER
The following content is intended solely for amusement. It does not reflect the ideas or opinions of any posting in this forum (including myself). The following is simply a parody by a near-professional cynic, and should only be interpreted as such. Furthermore, borrowed quotes do not represent the views, opinions or interests of the quoted individuals or groups.
Specifically, this post may offend FR fans, GH fans, those who love their ELH, those who don't understand the issues with the MotP, and anyone who has only ever played 3e. This is a result of parodied statblocks intended to introduce parody mechanics for things that cannot be measured, beaten, killed, threatened, injured, poked, spat upon, stood in front of, or even looked at.
Yes, this is a parody of statblocking in general, a vile art put forth by WotC as the answer to all those woes of players trying to roleplay instead of just H&Sing. This I say safe in the knowledge that I've already warned the FR and GH fans, lovers of the ELH, those who don't see the problems withg the MotP, and those who've never played non-3e games.
If you find yourself getting upset at the following, then take a deep breath and get to work on my 'welcome' flaming... or, if you want, you can import it directly from the plane of fire.
"Umm... no, don't think I'll try..."
*grins and plays with razorvine atop head*
"However you needn't actually be in control if everyone believes that you are and gives you stature, power, and influence accordingly... it is glorious is it not? The Illusion of Control?"
*smiles darkly*
"Keep your throne my Bladed Queen, keep your title and keep your city, I'd never seek to take it as such. Unlike some, I don't care to repeat the past..."
(Oh thats great up there, I love it! Now sadly just wait for some dolt to post some garbage about 'all you need is an EPIC spell to kill Her' or 'just take an atomic bomb into the city')
I'll toss a poor widow and her puppy off the edge at Suicide Alley in your name with a smile on my face if you do.
Originally posted by Shemeska the Marauder
Oh... please please please crosspost this to the Epic Level Handbook board and the Manual of the Planes board.
Shame on you, Shemeska. Cross-posting is against the CoC.
So, how much alateration is needed before it ceases to be considered a cross post? *laugh*
Sorry, the first post was funny
And nothing is stopping you from quoting the entire post into one of those forums.
- Amazing work, 10 out of 10 points ^_^
Good for a laugh, granted. Good for a laugh in seven years time, maybe. Still, subversive.
On a different note, can we label the 'statblock' as PI and thus keep it safe from actual definition?
Originally posted by Persephone Imytholin
I'd rather dress it up as a MotP/ELH Web Enhancement and post a link to it in the appropriate fora. Then again, that'd be downright subversive.
That is what I call a very good idea! :D
Kilamar
How about adding one more line to the bit where her abilities are explained.
"Anything Else: If it can be done, she can do it. Maybe even if it can't be done..."
*rereads to make certain, and archives it in the WPB file.*
I doubt even 'loths would define our fair Lady like that. We can't be certain She can do everything, and throwing in screed like that's sure to earn a body a flaying. At the same time, I'm not going to suggest she can't do everything, since that'd also result in said flaying.
Either way, I'm not about to take that kind of risk. Well... maybe not until after I sell the Dusties my remains, if they care to find 'em and stitch 'em back together. After all, there's worse places for the deceased than at the mortuary... like padding out some FR kiddy's encounter tables.
Imagine a clueless sneaking up upon a Dabus to kill it. All of a sudden, he sees a shadow looming over him. He turns around and sees ((Name Witheld)) staring impassively at him and calmly shaking her finger.
The clueless berk reconsiders and escapes with his life...barely.
Imagine a clueless sneaking up upon a Dabus to kill it. All of a sudden, he sees a shadow looming over him. He turns around and sees ((Name Witheld)) staring impassively at him and calmly shaking her finger.
Seems out of character for the Lady. If that berk had nothing especially important to the very existence of Sigil in his future, he'd be flayed right then and there. Our Serenity doesn't usually give warnings. You ***k up, you die/get mazed.
Could be cool if you have a well-done "Fate of Sigil" plot written though, assuming you're going to make damn sure that the players will know that particular character has a helluva important role to play in the future.
He'd probably get mazed after serving his purpose anyway.
The clueless berk reconsiders and escapes with his life...barely.
I was almost going to suggest Tertek's turned stag... but then, I realised he said 'clueless' in place of 'This (7) / That (13) / Other (6) with a Vorpal Quarterstaff +65, 535 with all the powers of the Staff of the Magi'.
But, no. No calm finger shaking. None whatsoever. Look at the stat block! If She would calmly shake a finger, then that'd be listed in the abilities.
*looks for a (former) Signer to believe the finger-shaking out of existence*
Originally posted by Tertek He turns around and sees ((Name Witheld)) staring impassively at him and calmly shaking her finger.
Does the Lady even have fingers? Hands? She always has what would be her arms tucked into her sleeves. Could it be that she's a charred skeleton underneath and just hides it underneath robes and a big mask? I've got a feeling about that one, and we know what that means for a Cipher. Besides, if the Lady shook her finger calmly, I'm sure it'd invoke a 15th level
flamestrike on the poor sod automatically.
Originally posted by Shemeska the Marauder Now sadly just wait for some dolt to post some garbage about ... 'just take an atomic bomb into the city'
Hmm... what if someone did take a bomb into the city? Could Sigil be destroyed through a huge bomb or even in normal Planescape with some kind of huge spell? What would happen to the Lady if Sigil was toast? Would she be free? Would she even be alive?
At that point when She appeared before each faction, She would point at her attendant Dabus who appeared with Her, and the Dabus would relay Her message.
Apparently there was nothing particularly special about The Lady's hands or fingers. At least nothing in particular that history in Sigil records.
As for things that pose a threat to the city of Sigil itself. I figure taking a majorly destructive device into Sigil would be impossible unless it would later serve some future role to benefit the city. Ie. any portal to enter Sigil would be blocked to you while they had that device in your posession.
A spell can certain alter the city of Sigil itself as we saw in Faction War. A single spell laid down by the wizard who attempted to challange The Lady and failed. That spell was supposedly used to end the Faction War (or at least one preferred option in the module. Though it was left to individual DM's to allow their players to use a different word, and then interperet that word as they wished. Fulfill the later of the word, but twist it as they wished.)
However the module also made it very very clear that while the spell could supposedly alter Sigil itself, it was that obscenely powerful, that The Lady had control over its ultimate effects and could choose to block them if She so wished. They couldn't for example use the spell to destroy Her or Sigil, the spell would go off and simply have no effect or She would force some other effect upon it.
It's a case of what people now would call epic level magic being used inside Sigil and yet still being under the final and ultimate control of The Lady. It was rather explicit about the limits of the spell at least as it regarded The Lady.
And lest we not forget what happened to Shekelor some four thousand years before that point. You challange The Lady, bad things happen.
Originally posted by Sildatorak
If I were the Lady (and who's going to say I'm not? Do you want flayed by me, berk? I'll do it.) I'd just maze whoever/whatever was casting/exploding right as it went off. It would probably level that maze, but I can always make more of those.
:/ Sildtorak you dumb dead crazy bastard.
Actually The Lady has pointed before... Apparently there was nothing particularly special about The Lady's hands or fingers. At least nothing in particular that history in Sigil records.
10 points* to the 'loth in the corner over there, but that's all just missed the point. We're talking about calm finger shaking, not pointing to cue a Dabus.
I'm still not buying that 'calm finger shaking' line. Plus, there's nothing to say that flayings are anything other than calm.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Shekelor however announced publically his intention to find the gem and topple The Lady. Then he left Sigil to scour the lower planes for the gem where it was said to exist hidden.
Years passed and he was presumed dead. Then one day he simply appeared in the middle of a crowd in public through a previously unknown portal. He was haggered and appeared horrified beyond belief and his entire body was illuminated and casting light from under his skin, brighter than a torch.
He screamed out, "THE SPIDERS!!!!!" before the flames within his body erupted from beneath his flesh and consumed him utterly before the startled crowd.
Supposedly the portal he emerged from led to Pandemonium, but most in Sigil assumed that such was simply the fate of those who would challange The Lady.
Well, 4000 years later, Duke Rowan Darkwood, following in the footsteps of Shekelor, found the Labyrinth Stone... and the rest as they say is history
I stand corrected
*blames a random tiefling for the number error and has him hacked to pieces and fed to Hivers*
I've actually written a bit of speculative fiction on Shekelor's time in Pandemonium leading up to his death. I posted the first segment of three here on the WotC 'once upon a time' board, but getting comments there is like getting blood from a turnip if you don't already have a following on that board. *shrugs*
Labyrinth Stone
Powers
Lots.
History
Deep in the Tower of 'loths.
...and these be the darks I'll confirm about the... err... rock.
*watches carefully as a bladed shadow drifts by outside*
Originally posted by Tai Khan
So now the question is, What is the Labrynth Stone (history, powers, etc), and what happened to Darkwood when he tried to use it (yes I know he was eventually mazed by the Lady but what happened when he tried to use the Labrynth Stone, and where the heck did he find it)
Well, the Labyrinth Stone was hinted at numerous times leading up to the Faction War module, and it integral to that plot. It's a rollercoaster of a ride, I love it.
To answer your questions, here's a copy of a summery of Faction War I wrote up about a month ago here on another thread:
Duke Rowan Darkwood of the Fated. The man's hubris got the most of him and took down the factions one by one. He instigated open war amongst the other factions while at the same time he managed to garner some measure of control over the Mercykillers.
Under the pretense of marraige, Alisohn Nilesia of the Red Death ordered her faction to follow Darkwood's orders like her own. After that happened Darkwood sold everyone's favorite barmy tiefling factol into fiendish slavery (they never did say just who she was sold to...) to get rid of her.
Darkwood's real obsession however was something known as the Labyrinth Stone. Uncounted thousands of years ago, an unknown mage came to Sigil opening claiming he would cast down The Lady of Pain. For several days this went on and The Lady did nothing. The unknown mage was on the verge of 'something' when The Lady appeared before him in the Ward of Masks (archaic name) and they both vanished.
Only some time later did any in Sigil know the victor when The Lady reappeared unscathed. Rumor held that she had bottled the mage inside a great black gem, called the Labyrinth Stone and cast it out into the planes.
Thousands of years later, another monstrously powerful mage named Shekelor, said to have been factol of the Incanterium at the time, (though that link to the Incantifers may be screed) announced his intention to leave Sigil, find the Labyrinth Stone that contained the trapped soul of that ancient mage who had challanged The Lady and some say nearly succeeded.
Shekelor vanished into the lower planes, most say Pandemonium. Most forgot about him, so did his own faction. But then he reappeared in Sigil through some previously unknown portal from Pandemonium, screaming in agony and glowing from the inside like his guts had been lit aflame.
He managed only to scream out, "THE SPIDERS!!!" and drop a handful of gems from his hands before he was incinerated by flames from the inside out, leaving nothing but ashes.
Rumors spoke much of what indeed happens to those who would claim to challange Her Serenity...
Darkwood knew of these incidents by his own research into Sigils misty past, looking for any clue into a weakness of The Lady. Then the Stone was brought to him and it all began...
Darkwood was able to make some mental connection to whomever was locked inside the stone. He felt a being of utterly immense power inside, but somehow a sense of fear at his touch. Perhaps the being had gone mad in its containment.
Darkwood with the Labyrinth Stone openly challanges The Lady in the streets of Sigil, and is instantly mazed. The stone falls from his grasp and is recovered by a street urchin and passes through numerous hands.
Darkwood's contingent Wish takes effect, but by some quirk of magic, or the Mazes, or more likely The Lady's Will he is released from the Mazes, but hurtled backwards in time.
Wandering the streets of Sigil in a daze, claiming to be Factol of the Fated he is taken away by the Bleak Cabal to the Gatehouse and locked into the Irrevocably and Criminally Insane Ward.
And there he stays for centuries, unaging and losing his sanity. Knowing the future however, he rants and rambles about future events that hold remarkably true. The Bleakers don't know what to do about him, and he eventually outlives them all and becomes known as The Oldest Barmy.
Deep in the gatehouse, methodically keeping track of the date on the stone walls and his own skin, he feels the approaching of the time when he was mazed. He feels the closeness of the Stone, and endlessly screams over and over again, "I feel it! It is happening again! It is happening again! I am the chosen one!"
As the Faction War unfolds, for the second time in Gifad's life, the name he was given during his years of confinement, he escapes the gatehouse and eventually recovers the Stone.
The other factols are all mazed, except for Rhys who prematurely left Sigil (feeling something ill approaching from the Cadance of the Planes), Sarin who was assassinated, and Hashkar who was killed near the end of the war.
Both Tanar'ri and Baatezu forces enter Sigil and fighting rages across the wards, and The Lady at first does nothing.
And then every single portal in Sigil seals itself. No escape, no entry, no water, and no air. The city can survive for no longer than a few weeks at most.
At the same time, a Yugoloth citadel build into the depths of Undersigil, and the massive dreamwalking artifact used to spy upon the residents of Sigil therein is destroyed. The Temple of Eternal Darkness it was called I believe.
And oh yes... A'kin the Arcanaloth, the friendly fiend is revealed to be the editor of the Factol's Manifesto.
Gifad with the Stone begins to trace the patterns of a gigantic rune of a spell, the Sigil spell, traced into the streets of the Market Ward / Ward of Masks by the wizard trapped into the Labyrinth Stone.
He finished the spell and reaches into the stone, instantly extinguishing the life of the mage trapped inside. A voice screams in agony and anger from within, "YOU FOOL!" as it dies to power the spell.
But before the final word can be uttered, The Lady appears and Gifad / Darkwood vanishes a second time, hurled once more by The Lady into the utter utter past.
He awakens, not remembering his name, or where he is or what he was. Only that a man known as Darkwood was responsible for his pain. Only knowing that in a city shaped like a great ring, a bladed woman mocks him.
He is sold into fiendish slavery, but does not break and eventually is sold to a mortal wizard. He begs of the wizard to teach him magic, and bemused the wizard does so.
He rises in power, learning magic from across the planes. Eating magic, breathing magic, working dweomers of such power that none before had seen such things. And he discovers a city, shaped like a ring atop an infinite spire.
And he travels there to find the woman he hates above all else. The one who was responsible for this Darkwood and his slights towards him.
He screams that he will see The Lady brought low, and then she appears, floating before him, serene and emotionless. The Dabus alongside her translates her words to the mage, "And now I bind you within a prison of your own making. Only you may release yourself, and then only from without."
And locks him within the black gleaming gem known hence as the Labyrinth Stone.
Back in the present:
The Lady reopens the portals and appears with a single Dabus to each newly elected factol of the factions of Sigil, and to the cell leaders of the anarchists to announce the following, "This city no longer tolerates your faction. Abandon it, or die." and vanishes.
Most factions leave sigil, or renounce their faction status, and all no longer hold official stations in the power structure of Sigil.
The Sigil Advisory Council is created, and the guilds of Sigil begin to fill the power vacuum along with powerful bloods like Jeremo the Natterer, Estevan the OgreMage, Zadara the Titan, and everyone's favorite Arcanaloth, Shemeska the Marauder the King of the Crosstrade.
And five years after the faction war, give or take a bit, PS3e picks up.
*bows down before the FW designers, Ray Vallese and Monte Cook*
All the Tanar'ri and Baatezu largely kill each each other off or are killed off by the faction forces in Sigil, or at least in the case of the Baatezu they know when to stop and just leave.
, doesn't mean that we are all munchkinized power mongers . I rather like the idea of the lady of pain not having any stats, just like it should be. Since you're now exempt from my epic cynicism (well... partly, at lest), you may go with my blessing and convert the munchkin heathens. Or, alternately, smite them with the thwapping stick. Whichever works for you.
Oh, and by the way...
Originally posted by TheLadyofPain
*shakes finger at all posters*
Well good evening you Slaadi imposter you. If you'll care to take a glance at my sig, you'd find that your disguise is far from convincing. Where's the "Wizards Staff" Symbol? Where's the IFRAME avatar? Where's the 1936 join date? Eh? Eh?
*RUMBLES INTO THREAD*
Originally posted by Shemeska the Marauder
Thanks for the correction Ryltar, 10k not 4k, gotcha. This is what happens when I try and pull numbers from off the top of my head.
Hmmm, a 'Loth with numbers on its head. Is that some new method of trying to communicate with the Dabus?
Definitely would be an interesting sight.
or at least in the case of the Baatezu they know when to stop and just leave.
And yes, the Baatezu know when to leave. They have Our Lord and Master to guide them in such things.
The stats are great, but now I have to change my sig ):
It's not so bad... at least I got to read Shemeska's piece.
:D
Number two: The OP sounds pretty stuck-up to me. 3E players are not Hack and Slash munchkins, or people who would replace roleplaying with a Diplomacy check. In fact, the Epic Board has many people who encourage intellegent debate and ideas on the mechanics of high levels. I don't know what told you that 3E is all about stats, but our 3E is just as darn good as your 2E.
Besides, I thought it was funny.
Number two: The OP sounds pretty stuck-up to me. 3E players are not Hack and Slash munchkins, or people who would replace roleplaying with a Diplomacy check. In fact, the Epic Board has many people who encourage intellegent debate and ideas on the mechanics of high levels. I don't know what told you that 3E is all about stats, but our 3E is just as darn good as your 2E.
Not all 3e players are Hack-and-slashers, nor were all 2e players roleplayers who would rather have teeth pulled than roll dice. But WotC does place more emphasis on stats than TSR did. Look at any new release and you are guaranteed to see "With new races, new feats, new prestige classes, and new spells". In 2e, the ratio of "crunch" to "lore" was more even.
Not all 3e players are Hack-and-slashers, nor were all 2e players roleplayers who would rather have teeth pulled than roll dice. But WotC does place more emphasis on stats than TSR did. Look at any new release and you are guaranteed to see "With new races, new feats, new prestige classes, and new spells". In 2e, the ratio of "crunch" to "lore" was more even.
It depended on what books you bought. The Complete Fighter's Handbook, Complete Wizard's Handbook, Complete Priest's Handbook, Complete Thieves' Handbook, Complete Psionics Handbook, Complete Barbarian's Handbook, Complete Ranger's Handbook, Complete Druid's Handbook, Complete Ninja's Handbook, Complete Druid's Handbook, Complete Paladin's Handbook, Complete Necromancer's Handbook, Complete Book of Gnomes and Halflings, Complete Book of Dwarves, Complete Book of Elves, Complete Gladiator's Handbook, Complete Sha'ir's Handbook, and Complete Spacefarer's Handbook were all nearly all crunch, books of character kits, subclasses, and spells. The Player's Option series (High Level Campaigns, Skills and Powers, and Spells and Magic) were all crunch, too, as was the Tome of Magic. The Planewalker's Handbook had some flavor, but it was mainly a crunch book too (full of spells, character kits, magic items, and races). I wouldn't say Races of the Wild is crunchier than the Complete Book of Elves.
Now, there's definitely some truth in what you're saying. The Planewalker's Handbook has a lot more fluff (and is a much better book in other ways) than the Planar Handbook. The Illithiad has more fluff on illithids than Lords of Madness (although both have a substantial amount of crunch, the Illithiad including a new psionics system, psionic abilities, and stats for all of illithid-kind). Driz'zt do'Urden's Guide to the Underdark was, if memory serves, nearly all fluff, while Underdark is not. Faces of Evil was all fluff, while the new fiend book that Erik Mona and James Jacobs wrote won't be. The Planescape boxed set was fluffier than the 3e Manual of the Planes. There was more care to introduce new rules in the 3e Forgotten Realms campaign setting (as an incentive for non-FR people to buy it) than there was in the 2e or 1e versions, as fluffy as the 3e version is. And, of course, 2e monster books are fluffier than 3e ones.
On the other hand, the 3e FR or Eberron campaign books have a much better fluff-to-crunch ratio than the 2e Al-Qadim: Arabian Adventures did. The Al-Qadim softcover was in fact nearly all crunch, as it was a toolkit for Arabian-style adventures in general rather than a setting book (the campaign setting came later). I wouldn't say the 3e campaign books have a better fluff-to-crunch ratio than the Maztica campaign box, Ravenloft Domains of Dread hardcover (which wasted some space with, for example, the uninspired Ravenloft version of gnomes), the Spelljammer campaign box, the Dark Sun campaign setting boxes, the Birthright campaign setting box (which had a lot of crunch), or even the Planescape campaign setting box (which did have a Player's Guide to the Planes which had a lot of crunch, and things like new spells in the DM Guide).
Perhaps the real difference was only in Planescape, which took a page from White Wolf books in its fluff-to-crunch ratio. The Inner Planes was all fluff, and that was rare in other campaign settings. There wasn't anything like Uncaged: Faces of Sigil in any other campaign setting (the closest is Hall of Heroes for FR and the third Ravenloft Monstrous Compendium, and they were a lot crunchier). A Guide to the Ethereal Plane was very crunch-heavy, but that was Bruce Cordell.
But regardless. My point here is not to make a judgment and say which is better and which is worse. 3e drops isolated elements and it's up to the individual DM to weave them in his plot. There is usually no history or common environment to tie them together. If he wants official lore and entire scenarios, that's to be found in the campaign settings only (I admit I haven't read the new Races books though, I heard they have more lore in them). 2e was different in the sense that the fluff and flavor text from their books was more interconnected between books, not to mention the approach within a single book was different. Many times entire scenarios composed of related characters and locations were given. I believe this is one of the reasons why 3e fluff (even in the books that have more of it) seems more bland to some people if compared to some of the most flavor intense 2e books. In 2e there was this feeling of a metaplot looming over the entirety of AD&D and fluff was more elaborate and history like as opposed to the bits and pieces approach of 3e.
As for PS that's an entire different story. The style of play and focus of PS was already different than most other (A)D&D products and campaign settings. So it's even hard to compare. I won't even go into that.
In my opinion, if there was ever dnd4e, lots of 2e books would still be as useful as today (not much, though) while most of 3e books could go straight to the crematorium
( quivering little Byakhee in the corner waits to be stoned for his ignorance.
)I'm new to PS what exactly happens to someone who is mazed?
( quivering little Byakhee in the corner waits to be stoned for his ignorance.
The new planewalker.com Encyclopedia can answer most of your "new to Planescape" questions.
Maze
Clueless