Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 zombiegleemax Nov 18, 2003 12:18:18	Hi MiM, I started a thread simply to reply to yours, because if you wanted flow this would end it. I am not even sure if you want comments -such things are hard to get at times- so ignore as you wish. Before I start, I will point out the difficulty of stating things in such manner as does not smack of unwarranted pedantry. What ever else you consider of my comments, please disregard that thought. My initial reaction was that I would be experiencing something horror related; however, it soon became apparent that "Southy does Wolfenstein" would be a more appropriate title. Do I mean you're an untalented ****, or that I hated it? No, far from it. What I mean is that the idom, style and, dare I say it, irritatingly self-obsessive narration belongs in a "Dirty Harry" style pulp Crime read; and that being the case, this would be a comfortable coffee-break consumable. Ravenloft though? No, sorry, for me this neither pertains to nor contains anything of what the setting is about. Your protagonist usurps the rules: he is a super-character that entirely escapes what normally effects the populace. A threadbare reason is there, but it's hardly believable because there's not exploration of what it is to go through anything mildly horrific -excepting a couple of fleeting references to buggery. Yes, it can be a device to have an unreliable narrator; but then were this the case it would be forced into being a distinctly more psychological piece. As is, the piece is porous enough to reveal your protag's self-conscious smarts as your interpretation of him dictates, i.e. as someone who has never encounted anything worse that a feather duster -albeit one that could be turned against him in a most unsavoury manner- and is, subsequently, completely uncompelling. That probably sounds completely ruthless -I could say other things; however, as I mentioned above, I do not relate this to any lack of ability on your part, but merely wish to question your means of expression as a productive one for the setting. Regardless, thanks for sharing it. Should you feel my comments entirely misplaced, please feel free to respond. Regards, Nomad
#2 zombiegleemax Nov 19, 2003 0:53:47	Dude, all respect for spewin' the Truth...unlike some, I can take criticism. Hell, to be perfectly honest in return, there was nothing that you said that I didn't ask or tell myself. All I can say is that, yes, this is a little non-Ravenloftish. But, at the same time, it is, as set in militant Falkovnia. The "horror", in question, is horror through violence, not through the supernatural...as is the case with most other realms in Ravenloft. Now, I will have to admit that the "style" I chose for this story is a little bit too modern (in a lot of ways, specifically storytelling technique) but I weighed that fact, and decided to go with it anyway. Why, I don't know...I just went with it. As to the super-character part...all I can offer is that that is not the case, as I will demonstrate later on in the story. The man speaking, in fact, is not even the main character in the story. He is speaking memory to the main character, in an attempt to justify his "persona". It's actually a story about possession. Throw in the fact that "he's not really all that", and... If you give it time, it will play out to be, I hope, a story about a man questioning not only surrounding society, but his role in it, and, ultimately, himself; and the different aspects of. It never was intended to be a regurgitative hollywood horror flick, complete with fangs and bolts. Werner is a merchant (a half-vistani; adopted farmboy actually) who travels between Mordent and Falkovnia, despite the animosity between the two countries. He's a simple man, with a simple mission: to make a living out of the few skills that he possesses. He's passive, quiet, shy, likes the idea of not standing out...until his personality is spliced with that of a former gladiator of the great Coliseum of Lekar. Now he has this rush of negative emotions, and the drive to play them out (thanks to the obtrusive personality of the "narrator", who has the need to live on through his surroundings; Werner). Suddenly, he's fighting a fight that's not his. He begins to demonstrate an uncanny knack for close combat, for killing, despite a gross lack of experience and the will to resist. These skills are there, but they shouldn't be. He's commiting acts of violence as a church-going person cursed with lycanthropy would...the scene becomes horrifically clear when the violent side of his nature "beds down for the night". Granted, even this revelation doesn't make the story Ravenloft, as dictated by professional authors and idealistic setting style, but...it's a story that takes place in Falkovnia. In Ravenloft. Just because it's Ravenloft, it doesn't mean that every individual has to be affected by supernatural terrors, curse-spitting gypsies, and hordes of demon-worshippers. Some people get caught up into things that aren't in sync with the mainstreamed workings of the world. You see, in my mind, Ravenloft is a world, first and foremost, above the fact that it is a tongue-in-cheek version of classic horror movies of a B grade. And the people living in that world all don't share the same affliction (challenges, etc.). Further comments by yourself, and any others, is greatly appreciated, and I would challenge any who have laid eyes on my little corner plot playing out on this board to speak their minds as they see fit. Who knows, maybe I'll take new direction...I'm always open to it. Thanks man...I do appreciate the words. And to get a little more personal... Truth be known, I'm 26 years old, and two credits away from having my high school. And, it turns out, those two credits are of the Language variety. I never learned how to (effectively) write, and I thus don't know how to write. Funny that it's now a half-assed hobby of mine, I know. But the fact remains, I could use some help. I know you didn't say...I'm sayin'. "...but merely wish to question your means of expression as a productive one for the setting." One thing on this (and it ties into the above): I'm not looking to sell Ravenloft. I'm just looking to write out an idea, that I hope will end up a complete story. For personal gratification. Simple, and, 'nuff said. Thanks again for speaking your mind...
#3 zombiegleemax Nov 19, 2003 11:53:41	Thank you for taking my comments in the right spirit. I still disagree on a number of points; but then this is your work; and beside, I respect your response. I'll happily read more of your story; and, in fact, look forward to how you execute your plan; I think it will be very difficult. Good luck with it, and your credits too; but, please, tell no more of your plans as this robs the reader of enjoyment, and perhaps you of purpose. Nomad