What I wonder is - what did the Kobolds do that so really ticked off Rajaat, as to be picked first. Or was it simply a random draw. you know, put a bunch of race names on papers, in a hat, and then let the champion draw it out. Ahem, "Congratulations, as my first Champion against the vile races that infest this world, I task tyou to kill the Kobolds. Yes, my greatest student, don't worry, your skills aren't being wasted. I promise. would I lie to you?" So, Sacha, you go and kill of f the Kobolds. Probably not a bad call, all things considered, but why are you so devoted to someone who gives you that assignment, and then turns around and gives better ones to champions like Kalak? Even Uyness got a better task than you.
2nd Champion - Kalak, the Ogre Doom:
The first real challenge - kill da Ogres. They are big, mean, and tend to hurt people - a lot. I'm sure you had no problem with recruitment. Of course, Ogres aren't all that much of a challenge. They do tend to be mostly dumb. But hey, at least you have some sort of bragging rights. a far cry better than some champions who will remain nameless (*cough*Wyan*cough*).
3rd Champion - Dregoth, the Ravager of Giants:
Hey, it looks like Rajaat started small, then kept choosing larger and larger targets. congrats on getting to kill Giants. Great job, by the way, glad you rid Athas of those pesky Giants. What? Oh.... There's apparently still some that sit in the Silt Sea and hurl boulders at passing ships. Did you, by any chance, have something to do with that? Then you have the indecency to get yourself killed, before you could finish your job. Now those Giant pests are Everywhere. Your comrades in arms decided to even breed them with Humans - isn't that just swell.
4th Champion(a) - Myron of Yram, the Troll Scorcher:
Ok, not as big as Giants, but arguably tougher, what with the regeneration and such they have. I guess you were called "Scorcher" because fire's the Troll's one weakness. Very clever. How's that working out for you, by the way. Being clever, that is? Oh - ypou got the Big Boss upset, so he sent a replacement for you. That was really smart. Glad you are planning for the future.
4th Champion(b) - Hamanu, once known as Manu, also the Troll Scorcher:
Join the army, see the corruption of the general, complain about it some, fight him, and win! Then get to becomer his replacement. Not bad, for a kid. Of course, you have a real hatred for the Trolls, so you wipe them out quickly. Impressive. Oh, wait. Now Rajaat wants you to just switch tactics and start killing your own people, and if the other champions get in your way, you can kill them too. Why are you looking at me like that. Put that sword down. Don't you dare hit me with tha....
5th Champion - Abalach-Re, once known as Uyness of Waverly, the Orc Plague:
You know, if you could have ever goten off of Athas, wondered around, and found the world of Azeroth, there's an entire nation of humans woo would have paid you good money to rid them of their Orc problems. A shame you got yourself killed. Of course, you also probably didn't have too hard to a time getting recruits for your army. but did you have to sleep with each one of them?
6th Champion - Nibenay, once known as Gallard, the Bane of Gnomes:
Hmm. How do I put this. Well, at least you didn't get the Goblins. but still - this must have been dull after a while. I mean, Gnomes are...well.....a little crazy, and love to tinker. Their devices probably don't blow up as much as a Goblin's tdevice would, but they are frequently a far bit larger than Goblin devices. And how exactly did you rile up an army to attack the Gnomes? That must have been a feat unto itself. and yea, we got the whole "shadow" thing. Also - you apparently started to develop an..ahem....interviewing process similar to Uyness' one, only for your Templars. I'm sure every adolescent boy in your city just loves the fact you have half-naked to naked women wandering the streets.
7th Champion - Sielba, the Destroyer of Pterrans:
Hmm. I know, let's not fight warlike races, let's go after the Treehuggers!. YUep. Always didn't care for greenpeace. Phew, glad you didn't listen to them. Dark Sun is far better off now anyway than it was back then. Oh, but you wouldn't know, because Hamanu killed you...
8th Champion - Andropinis, once known as Albeorn, the Slayer of Elves:
Big, bad Albeorn declares war on Elves. Elves (smart that they are) run away. Albeon chases, elves run. I sense a pattern developing. Impressive what a few millenia of chasing can motivate a race to do. Now, you've developed your own Marathon running team. Of course, they are also thieves, but let's not pick over the details.
9th Champion - Tectuktitlay, the Wemic Annihilator:
Yet another good pick from the Rajaat's lottery of races to destroy. you ever see "When Lions Attack!", well, you apparently had, and decided to kill them for it. Oh well, who needed those freaks around anyway. Then you set up such a cool city, and get yourself killed. Really unceremoniously, I might add.
10th Champion - Oronis, once known as Keltis, the Lizard Man Executioner:
Ok, ok ok. I understand the whole "troubled hero" schtick. You really play uup the repentant sinner to an extreme. But dude.... honestly..... you killed off a bunch of lizards. That's right, reptiles. Last I checked, those things are cold-blooded. And they probably woulodn't have given you a second thought if they did that to you. Heck, they probably wouldn't have given a second thought to killing their families either. Ger over it all ready!
11th Champion - Lalai-Puy, the Aarakocra Scourge:
I've seen this on huning shows. I think it's called a pheasant hunt or something. Still, her army had to have good rock-climbing skills. And what's more fun than killing a bunch of buzzards? Killng a bunch of buzzards who can manifest powers and summon up elementals! that's lots of fun. I guess her whole army must have been at least a little disturbed by the notion of vultures circling overhead. Definitely the new definition of a "turkey shoot".
12th Champion - Wyan of Bodach, the Pixie Blight:
This must have been a grand battle. Truely worthy of legend. I mean, what, did you issue out flyswatters and cans of RAID to your army? Personally, I would have kept this secret to myself, and not told anyone that I killed the Pixies, because...well....it would be embarrassing. Congratulations on being Athas' first "Orkin man". couldn't you have tried a little harder, and gotten a cool assignment, like "Butcher of Dwarves" or something?
13th Champion - Borys of Ebe, also known as The Dragon, the Butcher of Dwarves:
Ok, this is a challenge. A real challenge. go, attack a race of drunkards and gemcutters. Yep, they obviously are dangerous. What, with their hoarding of riches in their mountain homes. Oh, wait.... I bet you used that to recruit people. Yep, greed is a powerful motivator. Then, something hapopens, and these bearded creatures decide they don't like hair any more and go bald. They also leave their caves (which is a good thing, with the whole bottlenecking effects of living underground can have). And, let's not forget that this is a race that doens't easily lose their grudges. At least you solved that by having Rajaat kill you instead.
14th Champion - Daskinor, the Goblin Death:
How do you kill a race that: a) breeds like rabbits, or faster; and b) have absolutely no concept of self preservations? And people wonder why he went crazy. this is a guy who probably has nightmares about Goblin Hand Grenades, and other such fun things. Paranoia had to become part of his life to be able to wipe this race out. Not that he wouldn't need motivation to do so, after the first few skirmishes. could you imagine being recruited into his army tho.... I mean "Join Daskinor, and die gloriously at the hands of some Goblin contraption that explodes in your face!"
15th Champion - Kalid-Ma, the Tari Killer:
Ok. So if Wyan was the first Athasian Orkin man, Kalid-Ma, you were the second. Ever see Mouse Hunt? Now, multiply that by a few million, and make them a little bigger, actually sentient and capable of abstract thought, not to mention psionics and other fun things. Yep, this was also another one of Rajaat's dream assignments. I bet Kalid-Ma attempted to become a full dragon just in the hopes that the other Sorcerer-Kings would just put him out of his misery. His army must have had a LOT of vaccinations.... What with the plagues and such that rats carry.
What did he do? He invaded Poland claiming Danzig belonged to Germany. People of the world nodded their heads and said, "Well, yeah, that makes sense, and Germany's been suffering bad under all those war sanctions from WWI, so maybe this is what they need!" Bam! Before anyone knew it, Germany's armies were marching all over the place. Rumors of genocide leaked out, but few took them seriously until very late in the war.
I feel that Rajaat was more than smart enough to come up with a similar strategy, the important difference being that the world wasn't able to stop him. Early on, the "evil" races would be targeted to garner public support. Once the public realized that maybe things had gone too far, it was too late.
Tari might have been cursed with a plague that did not effect them, but made humans (and demihumans) sick. Fear would drive everyone to support a war of annihilation just for self-preservation. Dwarves, generally greedy by nature, would probably be targeted for holding onto gold mines, or raising prices. Kobolds, orcs, ogres and lizardmen made it waaaay too easy by eating people or generally disrupting things.
By the time everyone realized what was happening, it was far too late: they were too divided to fight back against the well-organized and amazingly powerful armies of Rajaat.
I know, but this was tongue-in-cheek.
Yar, but this is a pet-project of mine.
I think elves were poo-tossers and that's why they were on the list.
Originally posted by Dawnstealer
Oh, my theory on the champions was that a lot of them (in the early days, at least) worked in concert with one another. There's no doubt that wars of pure annihilation would not resonate with the world at large, and the champs would have to step lightly at first. Since WWII is our best real-world example of this, I'll use it as a reference: Hitler didn't say, "I'm going to take over the world and, oh yeah, kill everyone who isn't arian, starting with jews, gypsies, and homosexuals."
What did he do? He invaded Poland claiming Danzig belonged to Germany. People of the world nodded their heads and said, "Well, yeah, that makes sense, and Germany's been suffering bad under all those war sanctions from WWI, so maybe this is what they need!" Bam! Before anyone knew it, Germany's armies were marching all over the place. Rumors of genocide leaked out, but few took them seriously until very late in the war.
I feel that Rajaat was more than smart enough to come up with a similar strategy, the important difference being that the world wasn't able to stop him. Early on, the "evil" races would be targeted to garner public support. Once the public realized that maybe things had gone too far, it was too late.
Tari might have been cursed with a plague that did not effect them, but made humans (and demihumans) sick. Fear would drive everyone to support a war of annihilation just for self-preservation. Dwarves, generally greedy by nature, would probably be targeted for holding onto gold mines, or raising prices. Kobolds, orcs, ogres and lizardmen made it waaaay too easy by eating people or generally disrupting things.
By the time everyone realized what was happening, it was far too late: they were too divided to fight back against the well-organized and amazingly powerful armies of Rajaat.
Of course. But now you're bringing reason and logic, as well as an a5ttempt to kill the humor of my musings. How dare you! :D
Originally posted by xlorepdarkhelm
4th Champion(a) - Myron of Yram, the Troll Scorcher:
Very clever. How's that working out for you, by the way. Being clever, that is?
The first rule of the Cleansing Wars is, you do not talk about the Cleansing Wars.
The second rule of the Cleansing Wars is, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE CLEANSING WARS!!!!
Third rule of the Cleansing Wars is, if the race you are suppose to annihilate goes limp, or taps out, then the war against them is over. Nah, screw that, just keep going till they are annihilated.
Fourth rule of the Cleansing Wars is, only the champion, the champion's army and the race he/she is suppose to annihilate to a fight. Doh! Screw that too, do what you have to do to annihilate your race.
Fifth rule of the Cleansing Wars, only annihilate one rebirth race at a time. Nah! That would take too long.
Sixth rule of the Cleansing Wars, no weapons, no magic. Screw that! No Holds Barred Baybee!!!!
Seventh rule of the Cleansing Wars, the Cleansing Wars will go on as long as they have to.
And the eight and final rule to the Cleansing Wars is, EVERYONE has to fight!
5th Champion - Abalach-Re, once known as Uyness of Waverly, the Orc Plague:
You know, if you could have ever goten off of Athas, wondered around, and found the world of Azeroth, there's an entire nation of humans woo would have paid you good money to rid them of their Orc problems.
"Work complete."
"Stop touching me!"
"Yes?"
"We're under attack!"
etc...
Of course, you also probably didn't have too hard to a time getting recruits for your army. but did you have to sleep with each one of them?
I guess being a **** is one good way of getting the army you need built up. :D
6th Champion - Nibenay, once known as Gallard, the Bane of Gnomes:
Also - you apparently started to develop an..ahem....interviewing process similar to Uyness' one, only for your Templars. I'm sure every adolescent boy in your city just loves the fact you have half-naked to naked women wandering the streets.
Act now and get 3 full length scrolls of Nib's Female Templar's Gone Wild!
Each, full length scroll contains two pics of Nib's Female Templar of the month, one side depicting her new High templar full nude pose as well as her topless pose for when she was in the lower ranks of the templarate on the opposing side.
Act now and you can receive a free bonus gift of a one full length scroll showing Nib's Highest ranking Female Templar, in full nudity, while sitting on the lap of the Shadow King himself!
7th Champion - Sielba, the Destroyer of Pterrans:
Hmm. I know, let's not fight warlike races, let's go after the Treehuggers!. YUep. Always didn't care for greenpeace.
Why couldn't she take out those damn PETA whackos instead? Sheesh!
8th Champion - Andropinis, once known as Albeorn, the Slayer of Elves:
Big, bad Albeorn declares war on Elves. Elves (smart that they are) run away. Albeon chases, elves run. I sense a pattern developing. Impressive what a few millenia of chasing can motivate a race to do. Now, you've developed your own Marathon running team. Of course, they are also thieves, but let's not pick over the details.
Run, run as fast as you can, I'm the ginger bread man! Oh wait....
10th Champion - Oronis, once known as Keltis, the Lizard Man Executioner:
Ok, ok ok. I understand the whole "troubled hero" schtick. You really play uup the repentant sinner to an extreme. But dude.... honestly..... you killed off a bunch of lizards. That's right, reptiles. Last I checked, those things are cold-blooded. And they probably woulodn't have given you a second thought if they did that to you. Heck, they probably wouldn't have given a second thought to killing their families either. Ger over it all ready!
Maybe he's not depressed about the lizardmen he slaughtered, but the therapy bills he got later?
12th Champion - Wyan of Bodach, the Pixie Blight:
This must have been a grand battle. Truely worthy of legend. I mean, what, did you issue out flyswatters and cans of RAID to your army? Personally, I would have kept this secret to myself, and not told anyone that I killed the Pixies, because...well....it would be embarrassing. Congratulations on being Athas' first "Orkin man". couldn't you have tried a little harder, and gotten a cool assignment, like "Butcher of Dwarves" or something?
What a pansy...
Ok, I'm done, can't do it anymore. LOL
Borys: "Yeah! That's right! We've been slaving day in, day out--and what do we get...?"
Crowd of champions: "Nothing!!"
Borys: "That's right: Nothing! We've been killing ogres, orcs, trolls, goblins and other pests... and for what?"
Crowd of champions: "Nothing!!"
Borys: "Yeah... Yeah! Kalak, I know you had a heck of a time rooting out the ogres from the Fettertuft Moor..."
--Kalak shakes his fist at the air as solidaric murmurs of sympathy fill the crowd.--
Borys "And Uyness, you had to practically live on your back to recruit enough people to kill off the orcs!"
--Uyness shouts in agreement, a roar of agitation at the shame and disgrace(?).--
Borys: "Heck, I'm not a trouble maker... all I'm saying is, we gotta get our due, right?"
Crowd of champions: "Yeah!"
Borys: "I can't hear you!!"
Crowd of champions: "YEAH!!"
Borys: "I don't see Sacha or Wyan here today..."
--There is a moment's pause as Borys scans the crowd, and the remaining champions take the time to look from face to face, murmuring.--
Borys: "I guess they didn't bother to come, huh? Well, I'm not too surprised. Those guys have been resting on their laurels ever since the cleansing wars began!"
--An outraged roar of agreement comes from the assembled champions.--
Borys: "Like I said, I don't mean to be some monster, but we're worth something more than this, right?!"
Crowd of champions: "YEAH!!"
And so concluded the first socialist meeting on Athas... And the rest is, as they say, history.
Xlorepdarkhelm:
What I wonder is - what did the Kobolds do that so really ticked off Rajaat, as to be picked first. Or was it simply a random draw.
Maybe Rajaat allowed the Campions to pick which race they desired to destroy, giving them the choice by rank.
Now I'm bummed out since I still think Sacha and Wyan had the hardest jobs out of all the Champions.
WYAN:
They're nervous, sire.
SACHA:
Then we'd best leave them here and carry on on foot. Dis-mount!
RAJAAT:
Behold the cave of Caerbannog!
SACHA:
Right! Keep me covered.
WYAN:
What with?
SACHA:
W-- just keep me covered.
Rajaat:
Too late!
[dramatic chord]
SACHA:
What?
RAJAAT:
There he is!
SACHA:
Where?
RAJAAT:
There!
SACHA:
What, behind the kobold?
RAJAAT:
It is the kobold.
SACHA:
You silly sod!
RAJAAT:
What?
SACHA:
You got us all worked up!
RAJAAT:
Well, that's no ordinary kobold!
SACHA:
Ohh.
RAJAAT:
That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
HAMANU:
You ***! I soiled my armour I was so scared!
RAJAAT:
Look, that kobold's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
WYAN:
Get stuffed!
RAJAAT:
He'll do you up a treat, mate.
WYAN:
Oh, yeah?
HAMANU:
You mangy Pyreen git!
RAJAAT:
I'm warning you!
HAMANU:
What's he do, nibble your bum?
RAJAAT:
He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
SACHA:
Go on, Borys. Chop his head off!
BORYS:
Right! Silly little bleeder. One kobold stew comin' right up!
RAJAAT:
Look!
[squeak]
BORYS:
Aaaugh!
[dramatic chord]
[clunk]
Sacha:
Jesus Christ!
Rajaat:
I warned you!
Hamanu:
I done it again!
Rajaat:
I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little kobold, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--
Apologies to Monty Python.:D
Originally posted by Mach2.5
Dang, and I thought it was going to be a serious post
Now I'm bummed out since I still think Sacha and Wyan had the hardest jobs out of all the Champions.
I liked your description of Kobold tunnels and how it was extremely difficult to root them out from those (at least I think it was your description).
And Pixies, IMO would be the race other than Pyreens with the strongest link to nature and its spirits of the Land, and would thus have provided a great challenge to a champion. Contrarily to what some have said (like that the champion's magic would have destroyed the very nature that provided power to the Pixies) I believe we should consider the possibility that the Pixies managed to ward-off their lands from defiling and forest-fires, forcing their enemies to hunt very small beings able to hide or become invisible and use charms, all the while without recourse to defiling sorcery.
Fear me, for i am the blight of the pixies. poor sod.
Ahh yes, the good ol' days :P
Careful you almost game me an heartstroke when I saw mach in this thread. Just saw after that it was an OLD thread. :D
Anybody know where he is anyway?
Careful you almost game me an heartstroke when I saw mach in this thread. Just saw after that it was an OLD thread. :D
Anybody know where he is anyway?
No idea, maybe I should dig for his email and email him.
This was one of the better threads in that time period despite that's it's more a joke thread and less of a serious one.
:D
Haven't seen ol' Dawn in a long old while...
He's on Google Talk all the time.
He's on Google Talk all the time.
Ahh.... well.... I don't have him in my listing (and google talk doesn't work in Linux I don't think). I really need to find out how to get that up and going through a Jabber client.