It's been a brutal race this year, folks. With Incumbents Paladine and Takhisis stepping down with the close of the War of Souls, deities, mortals, and astral spirits everywhere have been buzzing about the outcome of this year's election.
After the dust of the primaries' melee settled, the two dominant parties presented their candidates. Gunning for the Power Over All (POA) party was none other than supreme megalomaniac and dead-guy extraordinaire Raistlin Majere.
"I've sacrificed everything for the magic," Raist stated at his press conference, "and I'm willing to do that again to rule over the world as Krynn's supreme ruler. As your supreme ruler, no hamlet will be without the ever-present feeling of cringing terror every time my constellation rises above the night sky. That I can promise you."
As the forerunner for the Clam Up or Die (CUOD) party, Mina, former cleric of the One God, has emerged as a strong nominee for the Krynnish election.
"You will feel the power of the One God," Mina went on to remark at her press conference. "The One God is everything. The One God pervades all. You are blind without the guidance of the One God."
Coming up as the surpise pick for the Peace and Travel (PT) party was none other than legendary hero Tasselhoff Burrfoot.
"Am I running against Raist?" Tass went on to comment. "And Mina? I know Mina. She was in that war-thingy with me and Gerard - he was ugly, if you ask me but don't tell him I said it although I think I did tell him one time - and Odila and Marshall Medan and a whole bunch of others. Why is Raist running? Hey, Flint! I'm running against Raist in the election! Flint! Hey-"
So far, all candidates have expressed a confidence in their assured victory.
"I will win," said Raist, "because there is no other choice for me but to win. With my magic, I am power incarnate. The other fools shall tremble at my might."
Mina went on to comment: "Raistlin Majere is a fool. It is the One God who is power incarnate and no one but the One God."
Tasslehoff was slightly off topic: "Is this your's? I found it in the Dog & Duck last week. It looked like this necklace I found on the astral plane a while ago so I thought I'd just hang on to it for a while..."
Though the press has been in a frenzy keeping tabs on the candidates, nothing has been more telling than the debates. This audio clip shows exactly why:
Raistlin: "...and I don't care a whit for tax reforms either. Or healthcare. Who's going to need healthcare? I'm going to blow everything up with my magic after I kill the Gods and take their place anyway. You think healthcare is at the top of my list?"
Mina: "If I may, that is where you are wrong, Majere. You cannot usurp the power of the One God. You cannot disrupt the will of the One God. The One God's plan is eternal and-"
Tasslehoff: "I want healthcare! One time, in Neraka, when Tika and I were running from the Dragonarmy and Lord Soth was chasing Tanis is the basement, I got killed from this trap in a lock, only I didn't die because-"
Raistlin: "Quiet, fool! Close your mouth before I magically close it for you."
Mina: "It is the will of the One God that you shut up, kender."
Raistlin: "Always with the One God with you. 'One God this' and 'One God that'. A good silence spell would take care of that."
Mina: "Impudent mortal. Your magic does not scare a follower of the One God. The One God is the sheperd of the flock. I am protected by the One God. That and your bony a** doesn't have the b**ls to do it, sucka."
Raistlin: "Oh no you didn't-"
Tasslehoff: "Raist, remember the time you killed poor Gnimsh? That was horrible of you. I never really forgave you for that you know-"
Raistlin: "Silence, buffoon!"
Mina: "Ah, you see? He's not just an eccentric cross-dresser, he's a murderer too."
Raistlin: "Lies! The kender is so full of s-"
Mina: "The One God does not tolerate such liars and blasphemers."
Raistlin: "How would your One God like a Wheel of Fire right up her a-"
The press has since expounded on several of the points brought up in the debate. Raistlin Majere's apprentice, Dalamar the Dark was on hand to comment.
"My shalafi is a brutal but powerful man," the dark elf stated. "His wrath is incomprehensible and his power is without limitations. Those other chumps don't stand a chance."
Flint Foreforge commented on Tasslehoff's odds in the polls.
"He what? What election? By Reorx! You can't be serious?!? That doorknob of a kender is running for what?!?"
The malevolent spirit of Malystryx the Red was contacted at her resting place in the Abyss for commentary on Mina.
"Don't believe a word that little hussy says. If I had my way, I'd come back as anything, even a damned gully dwarf just for one chance to chew her shins off."
Headlines broke yesterday when Caramon Majere, candidate Raistlin Majere's twin brother, gave an interview to Krynn-N-N on Monday in which he divulged a personal note about he and his brother's relationship.
"...so whenever Raist would get scared or have bad dreams, I'd light a candle and go like this. 'See Raist? Look. Bunnies, Raist.' And he'd smile and fall right back asleep. I love my brother a lot, you know."
Later that day, Mina held a press conference in which she mockingly referred to Raistlin as the 'Wabbit-Killer'. Raistlin was unavailable for comment.
"I had a knife called Rabbit Slayer once," Tasslehoff told the Ansalonian Herald. "But I don't think I ever saw Raist kill bunnies. Unless we ate them. But he did kill poor Gnimsh. Gnimsh was a gnome and he was my friend. We were in the Abyss together. We fixed a time traveling device on Takhisis' bed."
On Tuesday, Raistlin denied the accusations.
"I never killed any gnomes. Unless they were evil gnomes. Or had swords. Then it was self defense." said the archmage.
"Of course my shalafi killed the gnome," Dalamar told the Nerakan Tribune. "He's a black robe mage, for Nuitari's sake. He's not going out and baking muffins for the homeless, after all. He's out there magicking. Like a black robe. With magic. You know."
Dalamar was fired Tuesday night on grounds of purgury and treason in the political party. He was unavailable for comment on the lower planes of the Abyss.
Tasslehoff spoke with the Kalaman Free Press early Wednesday morning.
"If I win the election? Oh, I dunno. I might go visit Gerard again. He'd be so happy to see me I'll bet. Or maybe go back home and visit Uncle Trapspringer; he must be, what? Two or three hundred by now? Or maybe I'll go to Taladas. There's a wizard on the coast who was always hinting about Taladas but never really told me anything about it so maybe I'll go there and see what it's like. Oh, is this your's? I found it under your chair- oh, hullo cameraman! I didn't see you back there!"
Mina appeared Wednesday morning with her current romantic interest, Chemosh, at a press conference.
"Umm... yeah. About that One God stuff? Ok, look. Some stuff went down and I've been thiking of investing in undeath and all. I mean, it holds great value in the market and- If I win? Well, I plan to really get into the whole undead whorde thing. Lots of wights and skeletons running around and what-not. More liches in government offices. That sort of thing."
When asked to comment, Chemosh summoned a death knight who promptly dropped a wall of ice on the assembled press. 17 were injured. 1 Ergothian poodle was killed.
When questioned about his brother's 'bunnies' story at his press conference Wednesday afternoon, Raistlin Majere declined an answere. Eye witnesses in the neighborhood claim they saw the building go up in flames, then get stomped by a summoned demon, then disintegrate. And then go up in flames again. Raistlin, who appeared at his election headquarters later that afternoon, was apparently uninjured.
More up to the minute election coverage as the race continues. From the fromt lines, this is Rooks, signing off.
Or maybe I'll go to Taladas. There's a wizard on the coast who was always hinting about Taladas but never really told me anything about it so maybe I'll go there and see what it's like.
Nice one. You worked WotC right in there. My turn...
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We at the Dragonlance Nexus would like to endorse Ariakan for All-Powerful Being and Emperor of Ansalon. Lord Ariakan comes with a distinguished military career within the Knights of Takhisis, where he proved himself as a leader.
Ariakan has reached across the aisle to bring the peoples of Ansalon together in a non-partisan fashion. With his "One World Order" plan, he seeks a unified government that all people can believe in, one that won't fall prey to chaos. His One World Order plan includes a health plan, dental care, and seeks to provide jobs within the ranks of the Knights of Takhisis. Ansalonians have only to submit or die.
Compare Ariakan to his opponent, Tanis Half-Elven. Tanis is a known womanizer, having affairs with two women at the same time. Are these the morals we want for Ansalon?
The choice is clear. Ariakan for Emperor of Ansalon.
"I'm Ariakan, and I approve this message."
Paid for by the Dragonlance Nexus.
you're a natural fit there =)
The gnomes were going to front a candidate, but they got so bogged down in caucases and primaries that they have conceded not just this race, but the next 35 as well. Their representative has indicated that there is hope that within the next five generations or so, an electoral college will be in place to count each gnome's vote proportionally to their guild. Also, the representative continued, the gnomes hope that Vote-O-Matic Electrotouch Sensometer (tm) Mark XVII will be up and running properly. It seems that the current generation of technology tended to electrocute those gnomes who voted for people other than the creator of the machine. He was unable to be reached for comment, as he inadvertantly cast the wrong ballot and was electrocuted himself.
We at the Dragonlance Nexus would like to endorse Ariakan for All-Powerful Being and Emperor of Ansalon. Lord Ariakan comes with a distinguished military career within the Knights of Takhisis, where he proved himself as a leader.
Ariakan has reached across the aisle to bring the peoples of Ansalon together in a non-partisan fashion. With his "One World Order" plan, he seeks a unified government that all people can believe in, one that won't fall prey to chaos. His One World Order plan includes a health plan, dental care, and seeks to provide jobs within the ranks of the Knights of Takhisis. Ansalonians have only to submit or die.
Compare Ariakan to his opponent, Tanis Half-Elven. Tanis is a known womanizer, having affairs with two women at the same time. Are these the morals we want for Ansalon?
The choice is clear. Ariakan for Emperor of Ansalon.
"I'm Ariakan, and I approve this message."
Paid for by the Dragonlance Nexus.
Classical and quaint. LOVE IT! Awesome!
The gnomes were going to front a candidate, but they got so bogged down in caucases and primaries that they have conceded not just this race, but the next 35 as well. Their representative has indicated that there is hope that within the next five generations or so, an electoral college will be in place to count each gnome's vote proportionally to their guild. Also, the representative continued, the gnomes hope that Vote-O-Matic Electrotouch Sensometer (tm) Mark XVII will be up and running properly. It seems that the current generation of technology tended to electrocute those gnomes who voted for people other than the creator of the machine. He was unable to be reached for comment, as he inadvertantly cast the wrong ballot and was electrocuted himself.
Freaking hilarious! The gnomes get my vote!
Great stuff guys!
Ansalonians have only to submit or die.[/i]
Is this anything like the "Vote or Die" campaign this year? ;)
Great stuff guys!Is this anything like the "Vote or Die" campaign this year? ;)
Didn't I write a skit here about that last year?
Didn't I write a skit here about that last year?
Maybe... :D
Well...either way, looks like it didn't work. Sounds like only 17% of the MTV gen (18-22) voted.
Maybe... :D
Well...either way, looks like it didn't work. Sounds like only 17% of the MTV gen (18-22) voted.
That's pathetic. That's exactly what the political power mongers want. How better to stay in positions of power than to foster apathy in the masses?
Ugh.
How better to stay in positions of power than to foster apathy in the masses?
Well...I don't know about "masses" as this was the largest voter turn out in history. So, at least, a lot less are apathetic about voting than before.
Anyway...uh...yeah...sorry, Mods. I don't know how to steer this back towards Dragonlance.
Anyway...uh...yeah...sorry, Mods. I don't know how to steer this back towards Dragonlance.
Kiri-Jolith for Attorney General? Who better than the Sword of Justice?
Shinare as the Secretary of the Treasury. ;) (come on...as if that one wasn't obvious)
Secretary of State...I don't know. But I think Sargonnas would make an excellent Secretary of Defense. (just can't let him become Commander in Chief) heh heh
Well...I don't know about "masses" as this was the largest voter turn out in history. So, at least, a lot less are apathetic about voting than before.
Sorry, I was referring to the youth market in the plural sense. The youthful 'masses'.
And despite the turnout, compared to national population it's still poor and indicative of a great deal of political apathy.
I nominate Chemosh for Surgeon General. Now that's interesting...
I nominate Morgion as the head of the FDA
I nominate Hiddukel as chairman of the FCC
You know, I used to work in TV. Of course, Hiddukel explains much...
I nominate Morgion as the head of the FDA
Morgion also doubles as the school lunch lady. ;)
And for more election-appropriate fury, check out 'Blood For Oil' by Hmoong.
Peace.
whoa there, homie. gotta keep the real world out of this =)
Not in my book.
Are you going against the Pantheon of Good? Are you frontin'? Mishakal wouldn't approve, ya know. Her and Marshall go way back. Further than Dre and Chemosh and all that jive.
Don't be steppin'.
Are you going against the Pantheon of Good? Are you frontin'? Mishakal wouldn't approve, ya know. Her and Marshall go way back. Further than Dre and Chemosh and all that jive.
Right. The goddess of healing and community really digs white trash misogynists.
Cheers,
Cam
And would you believe that Sargonnas is into opera?
Right. The goddess of healing and community really digs white trash misogynists.
Cheers,
Cam
Watch out, evil-doers! It's Captain Judgmental!
For you kids out there, that's just Cam showing his hip-hop flava.
Yo.
And of course Mishakal approves of Eminem. After he bleeped out her name in a song, she's been getting 12% royalties off sales.
Watch out, evil-doers! It's Captain Judgmental!
I gotta go with Cam on this one. Like his music or not...call him white trash or not (both of those are really just personal opinion calls), I don't think it's to hard to pin Eminem as a misogynist...or at the very least that he profits off of lyrics with misogynistic views.
Don't think Mishakal is gonna approve of that...whether if "it's just art" or not.
But at the same time, this is a DL board. Leave the real world somewhere else.
Think about it for a moment - and understand why I'm right.
;)
(fwiw, i really enjoy eminem as a producer- his beats are excellent. and i dug the video posted above, back when it was posted before the election. It appealed to my sense of aesthetics and political leanings)
But at the same time, this is a DL board. Leave the real world somewhere else.
Didn't I already say no? No leaving the real world out, no giving it a cookie and letting it play, and no, no, NO! No... something or other. Besides, this all ties into topic somehow, especially in the fact that topic is nonsensical and utterly silly.
I don't think it's to hard to pin Eminem as a misogynist...or at the very least that he profits off of lyrics with misogynistic views.
Pinning him? Have aesthetic indulgences and artistic liberties become so tightly molded by propaganda that we're pinning people so quickly? It's like saying Michealangelo was a naked flesh freak because he showed a lot of skin in his works. I don't think it's so cut and dry as you're making it out to be. I say plenty of things in my songs that are simply artistic liberties I'm taking; they're just aesthetic impulses that I choose to express in certain ways and are not necessarily indicative of my core beliefs or ethics.
On the other hand, I've never lived Em's life. I think that if I or someone else had gone through the things he went through, we might be seeing things differently. Which is why it always boils down to Different versus Good/Bad. I may not agree with everything the dude says, but he's saying an awful lot of things that are good and that a great many people probably wish they had the guts to say
I nominate Tika. For everything.
Think about it for a moment - and understand why I'm right.
I see! I see! You are right! How foolish I was... forget that whole Eminem and Mishakal hotel scandal in the papers. Tika is where it's at!
The only problem is how the candidates feel about this and how all of this ties into Dragonlance.
Ok.
Are you ready?
The candidates symbolize the swing between good and evil with evil predominating which is why Mina dumps the One God ticket (besides the fact that She's dead) and hops on the Chemosh badwagon. Meanwhile, in a secret lair far below Hawaii, Eminem and Mishakal consolidate their love which symbolizes the true neutrality of all things - whether originally good, evil, or neutral - to have the freedom of will that ties so strongly into the theme fo Dragonlance. The balance must be maintained, so Eminem represents the constant swing of good and evil while Mishakal, obviously good, is dabbling in things she never had the guts to get into before. That is representative of the themes of free will and fallability that has always pervaded Krynn's mortal and divine population. Then board members debate Eminem and his relation to Mishakal, the inclusion of the real world in Dragonlance, and the subtleties of cookies. What results is a great deal of comical text, gibber-jabber, and a deep understanding that we should never judge someone unless we've walked in their shoes - and we haven't, because we don't own their shoes and if you do, that's called stalking. Don't stalk. Stalking is not permitted in Dragonlance. Unless you're Lord Soth. And even then, it's so friggin' creepy...
Peace! :D
Pinning him? Have aesthetic indulgences and artistic liberties become so tightly molded by propaganda that we're pinning people so quickly?
Hmm.
Yeah, I think so. Yep.
Cheers,
Cam