"Achoo!pocalypse Now", An Unhygienic Undead Uprising
by Reverend Dungeon MasterLocation: The gloomy, fog-laced graveyard of Grumblethorpe-on-Wheeze, known for its questionable soil and unusually mobile tombstones.
Setup:
The party stumbles into Grumblethorpe while searching for directions, tea, or both. The locals are nowhere to be found, except, oddly, for a queue of shuffling zombies loitering near the crypt, as if waiting for the post. A strange sound echoes through the mist:
"Ah... ahhh... ACHOO!"
And then another grave pops open.
Enter: The Necromancer, Quentin Snifflebottom III
Draped in tattered robes that were once fashionably black but now resemble a cursed bathrobe, Snifflebottom is the proud (and only) graduate of the Dreadfully Underfunded Correspondence School of Necromancy and Cough Mixtures. Unfortunately, Quentin suffers from a chronic allergy to dust, decay, and anything magically reanimated.
Each time he casts a spell—ACHOO!—another skeleton arm bursts from the ground, or a zombie stumbles to its feet with a confused grunt and a slight limp.
Quentin’s Monologue (Between Sneezes):
"Behold! The wrath of the undead sh—AHCHHHTHPHH!—shhall rise again! My army will—HERRRSHHH!—er... hang on a moment. Reginald, stop chewing your arm. Bad zombie!"
Zombies Present:
Reginald – wears a top hat, sometimes backwards, sometimes upside down.
Martha – missing a foot, compensates by hopping and glaring.
Clive – thinks he's still alive and files taxes accordingly.
Twist:
The more the fight drags on, the more Snifflebottom sneezes, and the more zombies rise. But these zombies aren’t particularly loyal. In fact, they’re mostly annoyed.
At one point, Clive lumbers up to the party and mutters, “Do us a favour, yeah? End him before he sneezes me into another promotion. I’m middle management now and it’s awful.”
Tactics (or Lack Thereof):
Quentin keeps sneezing himself into new problems.
The zombies occasionally take tea breaks.
At one point, Quentin tries to blow his nose with his scroll of Raise Dead.
Spell misfires are encouraged. One sneeze accidentally enchants a gravestone to perform Shakespeare soliloquies in reverse.
Conclusion:
If the party defeats Quentin, the zombies throw a half-hearted celebration before returning to their graves with a collective sigh. One leaves behind a crumpled note that reads:
“Cheers for the break. Now I can finally rest. P.S. Tell Quentin’s mum he never sent that postcard.”
If the party befriends Quentin, they gain a necromancer who doubles as a walking foghorn and sneeze-powered trap disabler.
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