Todd Missingteeth’s Goblin Gentleman’s Society
by Reverend Dungeon Master“We Prefer the Term Entrepreneurial Redistribution Collective, Thank You.”
Location: A lonely dirt road near the village of Crumpet-on-Fungus, just after the sign that reads “Definitely Not a Trap Ahead.”
Ambience: Foggy. Suspiciously quiet. Smells faintly of boiled cabbage and gym socks.
What Happens:
As the party trudges along the road, arguing over whose turn it is to carry the cursed luggage, they hear a polite cough from the bushes. Then another. Then a third, which sounds suspiciously like someone choking on a kazoo.
Suddenly, five goblins burst forth from the underbrush dressed in ill-fitting waistcoats, monocles, and one wearing a mop as a wig. They are followed by a Halfling riding a collapsible stepladder, wearing a cravat, an eyepatch (over both eyes, for mystery), and a sandwich board reading:
“TODD MISSINGTEETH’S GOBLIN GENTLEMAN’S SOCIETY – Tithes, Donations, and Bags of Shiny Things Welcome!”
Todd clears his throat dramatically. "Right then, fellow travellers! You've stumbled into a toll zone. Newly established. Very official. Approved by the Department of Coin Acquisition and Goblin Morale."
The goblins cheer. One tries to hand out business cards. Another eats his.
Combat (or Not?) Options:
Bribe: Offer them gold, shiny buttons, or a convincing fake moustache and they’ll let you pass. Maybe.
Fight: They'll yell, “Uncouth ruffians!” and draw rusty butter knives.
Outwit: Challenge Todd to a pun-off, logic puzzle, or a sausage roll eating contest. He’s legally bound to accept.
Todd Missingteeth (Halfling Rogue, Very Questionable Leader)
Special Ability – “Speechifying”: Once per combat, Todd can give a rousing speech that confuses everyone. All creatures within 10 feet must make a Wisdom check or be too baffled to act for one round.
Loot:
A pouch of 13 silver coins
One gold tooth (not his)
A forged “Barony Decree” declaring him “King of This Muddy Bit”
A diary full of suspicious plans, including "Phase 12: Steal the Moon"
Goblin Bandits (x5, Each With a Name They Just Made Up)
Unique Traits:
Each goblin has a weird quirk: one only speaks in rhymes, one thinks it’s a ferret, and one is convinced they're undercover royalty.
Treasure (Roll a d6 or pick your misfortune):
1- A teacup filled with copper coins and lint
2- A goblin-made “map” of the area, which is just doodles and the word “TREZHUR”
3- A cursed monocle that makes everything look slightly more pretentious
4- An IOU signed “The Queen (probably)”
5- Half a wheel of illegal brie
6- A scroll titled “101 Phrases to Sound Smarter While Robbing People”
Optional Twist:
If the players show kindness, Todd offers them a "lifetime membership" to his "Guild of Highly Distinguished Highway Persons," which consists of a cardboard badge and immediate enemy status with every actual Thieves’ Guild in the region.
For more dungeon delving nonsense visit Red Cape Games, home of Dungeon Dunce Weekly.