"Vote for Grolmorr – or Els!e"Or: How I Learned to Love Local Government and Raise the Undead Legally)
by Reverend Dungeon MasterSetting: A small village plagued by potholes, high taxes, and the occasional zombie. Grolmorr, now wearing a sash that reads “CANDIDATE 4 CHANGE” over his tattered robe, is holding a rally outside the Town Hall (which is currently on fire due to “campaign-related incidents”).
What the Players See:
A crowd has gathered. Banners wave. The villagers look confused and mildly concerned. A goblin band plays an out-of-tune version of “Hail to the Chief” on bagpipes. Grolmorr stands atop a soapbox made from actual soap and yells into a megaphone powered by necromantic screams.
“People of Slightly-Awkward-on-Bog! I PROMISE you affordable housing, undead-friendly zoning laws, and a two-headed dog in every yard!”
He is, somehow, the most reasonable candidate.
THE PITCH:
Grolmorr, fed up with being stabbed by dungeon dunces and rejected by every villain’s union, has decided to “fix things from the inside.” Unfortunately, his policies include: Legalising grave-robbing as “archeological enthusiasm.”
Mandatory haunting for tax evaders.
Turning the school into a crypt “because the acoustics are perfect.”
STAT BLOCK – Grolmorr the Troll-Lich, Mayoral Candidate
AC: 17 (Now wearing a “Wardrobe of Electability”)
HP: 130 (plus 50 Temporary Hit Points from blind optimism)
Abilities:
Debate Drain: Targets must succeed on an INT check or take 2d8 psychic damage and fall asleep mid-sentence.
Charm the Masses: Once per day, Grolmorr can cast Mass Suggestion with the command “Vote for me, or enjoy eternity as a footstool.”
Undead PAC (Political Action Corps): 1d4 skeletons appear every round to wave signs and slap stickers on enemies.
Spin Doctor: Can twist any event into a campaign win. (Fell in a pit trap? “Grassroots engagement opportunity.” Exploded? “Performance art.”)
Unholy Endorsement: Gains resistance to damage while at least 10 villagers are clapping nervously nearby.
ROLEPLAYING GROLMORR:
Frequently misuses political jargon. (“I’m running on a platform of necrotransparency and cryptonomic growth!”)
Offers bribes of homemade slime and haunted coupons.
Has an undead campaign manager named Skelly Rove, a skeleton in glasses who keeps whispering, “Just don’t eat the babies this time.”
THE ENCOUNTER:
The players may:
Debate him in a public forum (INT and CHA skill checks, with interruptions from undead hecklers).
Expose his campaign finance violations (he’s definitely using cursed gold).
Fight him and his skeleton PAC when the rally turns into a musical battle sequence.
Join his campaign, because frankly he’s got better health plans than the current mayor.
IF THE PLAYERS WIN:
Grolmorr throws a tantrum, explodes in a puff of voter registration forms, and leaves behind a pamphlet that reads: “You Haven’t Heard the Last of Me – 2026 Senate Run, Baby!”
IF THE PLAYERS LOSE:
Grolmorr wins the election in a landslide (due to 200 undead absentee ballots) and immediately appoints the players as his cabinet:
Secretary of Doom
Minister of Mould
Treasurer of Cursed Coins
Public Relations for Bone Enthusiasts
They get dental, but it’s all fangs.
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