"Welcome to LichLand!" (Or: The Only Theme Park Where the Rides Ride You)
by Reverend Dungeon MasterSetting: A foggy valley surrounded by moaning hedges. Giant skeletal rollercoasters loom overhead, creaking ominously. The park gates bear the slogan: “Fun Beyond the Grave – Literally.”
Grolmorr, former troll-lich, former mayor (briefly), now a visionary theme park mogul, stands at the entrance in a sparkly top hat. His staff? A bone wand that sprays confetti. His new assistant? A reanimated goblin wearing a name tag that reads “I Died for This Job.”
WHAT THE PLAYERS SEE: Guests (mostly undead) wander in dazed circles. A sign reads: ATTRACTIONS:
The Coffin Coaster – Launches you into a simulated afterlife (and sometimes real one).
The Ferris Ghoul – Spins faster if you scream.
Tunnel of Eternal Regret – Romantic! Depressing! Full of tax audits!
Haunted Churros – They're haunted. Just don’t ask.
STAT BLOCK – Grolmorr the Troll-Lich, Park CEO
AC: 18 (thanks to a glittery “Management Cloak of Liability Waivers”)
HP: 160 (plus 10 HP for every guest that buys a cursed souvenir)
Abilities:
Summon Mascots (1/day): Calls 2d4 Undead Mascots (a skeletal duck named Goofy Bones, a zombie bear in dungarees, and a banshee who sells balloons).
Ride Malfunction: Causes any ride within 60 feet to go berserk for 1d4 rounds. Riders make DEX check or are launched into existential dread.
Corporate Speak: Once per short rest, Grolmorr casts Confusion by using phrases like “synergy,” “brand alignment,” or “skeleton-centred design.”
Legal Immunity: While holding a signed waiver, he has resistance to damage and moral consequences.
Souvenir Blast (Recharge 5–6): Fires exploding t-shirts, mugs, and necro-flavoured cotton candy in a 30-foot cone (4d8 force damage + 1d6 humiliation).
ROLEPLAYING GROLMORR:
Laughs maniacally while reviewing park spreadsheets.
Insists the park is “family friendly” despite every ride ending in screaming.
Constantly pitches new ideas: “Haunted bumper coffins! A dungeon escape room that actually kills you! A log flume made of actual logs and doomed souls!”
THE ENCOUNTER:
Players might:
Investigate disappearances (the “gift shop” is a soul trap).
Negotiate a refund (good luck).
Go on a ride, which may teleport them, possess them, or just make them vomit backwards.
Battle Grolmorr during the Grand Reopening Parade, featuring undead floats and a necrotic marching band.
IF THE PLAYERS WIN:
Grolmorr gets ejected from his own park via the “SkeleSlide of Shame.” His top hat survives and grants one player +2 Charisma when selling bad ideas.
IF THE PLAYERS LOSE:
They’re given Lifetime Passes. Which means they’ll literally never leave.
Grolmorr announces a new expansion:
“LichLand 2: The Revenant Resort – Now With Timeshares!”
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