"Impossibly Annoying"
by Reverend Dungeon MasterLocation: Somewhere where you definitely shouldn’t have touched that glowing teapot.
Recommended Level: Low. Like, “can barely lift a sword” low.
Mood: Chaotic nuisance with a side of explosive flatulence.
The Setup:
The party wanders into a quiet glade, a dusty cellar, or possibly just the wrong end of a wizard’s sock drawer. Wherever it is, the air smells faintly of burnt marshmallows and bad decisions. Suddenly—
POOF!
A small, red, winged menace pops into existence in a puff of suspiciously glittery smoke.
“TA-DAAA!” it screeches. “Your day is about to get marginally worse!”
Meet Scuttlepin the Irritating, a sugar-addled imp with a penchant for chaos, interpretive dance, and starting fights he has no intention of finishing.
Scuttlepin’s Agenda (such as it is):
Shout the players’ worst fears in song.
Offer cursed bargains in exchange for lint.
Attempt to join the party as the “Official Vice Captain of Exploding Snacks.”
Set random things on fire and blame it on the nearest squirrel.
Scuttlepin’s Special Abilities:
Use the standard Imp stats from the Monster Manual, with the following important adjustments:
Addiction to Fizzy Pop: Must make a Wisdom check every round or spend their turn vibrating uncontrollably while screaming “I AM THE TOAST KING!”
Distraction Aura: Any creature within 10 feet must roll -2 Wisdom check due to excessive ranting, tap-dancing, and the occasional kazoo solo. Fail means they lose a round of action or melee combat.
Special Action – Pocket Confetti Bomb (1/day): Scuttlepin throws a handful of sparkly doom. Everyone in a 10-foot radius must make a Dexterity check or be fabulously blinded by sentient glitter for 1 minute.
Dialogue Sample (yes, he never shuts up):
“Oi oi oi! What’s long, sharp, and definitely not mine? THIS DAGGER! Want it? Too bad! I sold it to a ferret!”
“Say, would you like to swap your soul for this half-eaten biscuit? It’s still got some jam in the middle.”
“BEHOLD! I cast... involuntary pants removal! A-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
How to Handle This Chaos:
Negotiation: Nearly impossible. Unless the party has something truly stupid to offer, like a magical kazoo or a promise to name their next child “Scuttlepin the Flatulent.”
Combat: Doable, but Scuttlepin fights dirty. He’ll vanish, reappear, insult your fashion sense, and then toss a confused chicken at your face.
Creative Solution: Trick him into trapping himself inside something small and shiny. Bonus points if it’s a cursed jam jar.
Loot (If you catch him):
3d4 shiny buttons
One magical rubber duck that screams when squeezed
A cursed IOU for “ONE WISH, MAYBE, NO PROMISES”
A partially-eaten cheese wheel with the face of your father whispering “Why?”
DM Note: Scuttlepin is best used as an interruption, a recurring antagonist, or the result of your players pressing literally anything marked “DO NOT TOUCH.”
Use sparingly, or not at all. He will overstay his welcome.
That’s sort of the point.
For more dungeon delving nonsense visit Red Cape Games, home of Dungeon Dunce Weekly.