A Bridge Too Far (or, How to Get Mauled by a Troll and Still Look Cool Doing It)
by Reverend Dungeon MasterThe road ahead looks simple enough. A charming little stone bridge arches over a churning river, the kind of picturesque nonsense that would make a bard compose an overwrought ballad. But you? You’re no bard. You’re an adventurer, which means one thing: if there’s a bridge, there’s probably something lurking under it that wants to eat your face.
And sure enough, as you step onto the worn stones, a scent wafts up, like a week-old stew left out in the sun, with just a hint of rotting meat and existential despair. Then comes the low, guttural chuckle, the kind of laugh that says, Oh good, snacks.
Enter the Troll (AC 4, HD 6+3, hp 33, MV 120’ (40’), AT 2 claws/1 bite, Dmg 1d4+4/1d4+4/2d6, Save F6, ML 10, AL C, THAC0 14)—a seven-foot-tall slab of pure nightmare, all warty green skin and a face like a particularly smug cabbage (or Mickey Rourke). It lumbers out from beneath the bridge, knuckles dragging, jagged teeth bared in what might be a grin.
"You cross, you pay," it says, voice thick and wet, like someone gargling swamp water. "Payment is… everything you own, plus a leg. Maybe two. Depends how they taste."
Tactics (or: How the Troll Will Ruin Your Day)
The troll isn’t big on negotiations, and it's got the patience of a caffeinated owlbear. If you try to talk, it'll just get bored and start ripping off limbs until someone stops moving. And thanks to its horrifyingly fast regeneration (3 hp per round unless killed with fire or acid), that someone is unlikely to be it.
It goes straight for the meaty bits, fighters first, magic-users as dessert. The claws dig deep, rending flesh like an overenthusiastic butcher, and that bite? Oh, it’s not for show. You ever wonder what it feels like to be a drumstick at a goblin feast? You're about to find out.
And don’t even think about running. It's faster than you and twice as motivated. That Morale of 10 means it fights to the bitter, greasy, sinew-snapping end.
How to Survive This (Maybe)
Fire solves everything: Got a torch? A flaming arrow? A particularly angry cleric with a vendetta against damp things? Good. Because unless you douse this thing in flames after “killing” it, it’s just gonna stand back up and keep punching you in the throat.
Keep your distance: If you like having your insides remain inside, ranged attacks are your friend.
Bait it into the river: Sure, it can swim, but maybe, just maybe, you can make its day worse than it’s making yours.
The Aftermath (aka, Where’s My Loot?)
Assuming you live, and that’s a big assumption, you get the pleasure of rifling through the troll’s assorted gruesome possessions. Turns out, bridge extortion is a profitable gig.
487 gp in various bloodstained pouches
A silver dagger (worth 25 gp), presumably from a previous tenant of the troll’s digestive tract
A wooden idol of some forgotten swamp god (worth 50 gp to the right weirdo)
One left boot. Just the left. Why? I mean, c’mon.
XP Payout
Defeating the troll: 570 XP (to be divided among the survivors, if there are any)
Recovering the treasure: 50 XP bonus for whoever has the guts to claim the idol
Style points for setting the bridge on fire? Priceless.
Now dust yourself off, apply pressure to the missing chunks of your body, and try to forget the part where the troll almost added you to its collection of unfortunate snacks. You’ve got a long road ahead, and who knows what other horrors are waiting under the next scenic landmark?
Art: Troll by MattiasFahlberg on DeviantArt
