TOPIC OF THE
MONTH:
A LOSS OF FAITH
This is a copy of a letter found upon the dead body of a Heldannic Knight. He appears to have committed a form of ritual suicide, and the contents of the letter apparently confirm this conclusion. No name was included, as this broken man has suffered enough that we, the authors, believe that no more shame should come to his family.
Vanya, may You have mercy upon my soul.
I know that I have displeased You, and You have punished me by stripping me off you divine guidance and spells. I know You even sent in a messenger to warm me of my mistakes, but I failed to understand, and hence failed to fall back under Your divine light.
I could not see that Wulf von Klagendorf was right. I blindly followed the orders of the Knighthood, listening foolishly to von Grüber and his statements that von Klagendorf was a heretic. How could I not believe him. Von Klagendorf was a prisoner, a traitor who had fled his post as Oberherr and was now been punished for the crime. He was in the middle of the Star Chamber, with Your divine light of the lion shining down upon him. He stood were all other heretics had stood, upon the altar in the middle of the chamber. He was about to die like all of them did. And yet I was not alone in my uncertainty and disbelief for our former leader. Over 200 Heldannic Knights watched in anticipation for the axe to fall, waiting in the various wings of the star-shaped chamber. They wanted to see von Klagendorf's blood. Sadly, I must admit, so did I.
His speech was moving, and it did rekindle my love for You, yet I failed to let it sway me. I believed it was nothing more than a ploy from von Klagendorf to trick me into saving his life. I believed von Grüber, the false Oberherr, who proclaimed only he knew Your will and what he said was a translate of Your ideals. And so I did nothing. I thought that the inspiration and divine part of his speech was merely an illusion, one enhanced by the sunlight that reached him through the glass window from above. I refused to believe that the light was divine, that it was Your doing. I simply watched as the axe was raised. I failed to let the stirring in my heart move me to return to Your fold.
Yet one young Knight had the courage to stand up and show he belief in You. With a quick motion from his sword, he sent the executioner's axe of course and it struck harmlessly to the side. More Knights moved in to protect von Klagendorf, and there was my chance to regain Your favour. But I did nothing - I watched in silence and feared speaking either way in fear of being killed in the battle that was sure to follow. And a battle did follow.
Von Klagendorf's Blade Barrier was cast into my wing, where most of the faithless Knights, myself included, were standing. Young Hendrik, who was standing next to me, was cut in half by the swirling axes of destruction. I was spared, standing just outside the area of effect of the spell. I could see the faithless been cut down by Your divine wrath, being defeated easily by those who had indeed returned under Your wing as von Klagendorf had been proclaiming all along. When they moved in on me, I quickly dropped to me knees and cried. They should have killed me, for it was the punishment I deserved for not listening to You. Instead, I received a fate that was far worse. I was banned from the Heldannic Knights and declared a heretic in Your eyes. Everything I believed in was stripped from me that day.
Yet I cannot blame them, for You had shown me several signs and I had failed to notice them. I did not have the strength to stay in Your fold. I did not have the strength to continue living the life I always wanted to live. So now I am ending it.
May You forgive me and guide my
soul to were it belongs, down into oblivion with the other
traitors. It is the last thing I can do right in Your name.