The Grumbling Axe Gang
by Reverend Dungeon MasterLocation: A narrow mountain pass, where the wind howls like an angry innkeeper. The road is blocked, not by a rockslide, not by an ambush, but by four dwarves screaming at each other over a spilled flask of ale.
You hear them before you see them, guttural swearing, the clanking of armor, the unmistakable whack of a gauntleted fist meeting a bearded face. Rounding the bend, you find four dwarves standing in the middle of the path, weapons drawn, not at you, but at each other.
“Oh, look, travelers,” growls one with an axe as big as his attitude. “Maybe they got some sense since you thick-skulled louts clearly don’t!”
Another dwarf, crossbow half-cocked, sneers, “Oh aye? Maybe THEY’LL tell you that spilling a dwarf’s ale is a capital offense!”
The third, rubbing a fresh bruise, bellows, “I told ye, it was an accident! The goat startled me!”
The fourth, clearly the brains of the outfit (which is saying very little), sizes you up. “Right. Let’s kill ‘em and take their gold.”
An awkward pause. The first dwarf turns. “That was your first idea? We’re in the middle of a debate, Rurik!”
At this point, the party can intervene, fight them, or try to mediate the world’s pettiest argument.
The Grumbling Axe Gang (4 Chaotic Dwarves, Level 1 Fighters)
Borin (Leader, big axe, bigger mouth)
AC 5 | HP 6 | THAC0 19 | Battle Axe (1d8) | Morale 10 | Yells a lot
Gorin (Crossbow enthusiast, ale victim)
AC 6 | HP 5 | THAC0 19 | Crossbow (1d6), Dagger (1d4) | Morale 8 | Cares too much about spilled ale
Snorri (Punch-happy brawler)
AC 7 | HP 4 | THAC0 19 | Fists (1d2), Hammer (1d6) | Morale 9 | Loves a good scrap
Rurik (The "let's kill 'em" guy)
AC 6 | HP 5 | THAC0 19 | Short Sword (1d6) | Morale 7 | Thinks he's the mastermind
Tactics:
Borin wants to keep arguing. If a PC encourages the debate, he will happily delay combat to hash things out.
Gorin will duel anyone over honor (or ale).
Snorri just wants to punch something. Doesn’t matter what.
Rurik is the first to actually attack, though his plans rarely work.
If combat starts, they fight until morale breaks at half HP. If the fight goes against them, they’ll switch to blaming each other and try to escape while still yelling.
Nonviolent Resolution:
Appealing to Dwarven Honor (i.e., making them settle this over actual beer) grants the party a safe passage, maybe even a round at the nearest tavern.
Winning the Argument (Charisma check per dwarf) makes them so confused they just go home.
Treasure & XP
Loot: 23 gp, 2 bottles of decent dwarven ale (worth 5 gp each), a slightly dented but still functional silver tankard (10 gp), and one incredibly stupid-looking helmet (1 gp).
XP: 4 x 10 XP per dwarf = 40 XP total
If the party resolves the conflict without bloodshed, they earn an additional 25 XP bonus for sheer patience.
If they survive, the dwarves will tell this story in every tavern, each version making them sound more impressive. If the party fights them, they’ll be back eventually, still arguing. Either way, the legend of the Great Ale Spillage lives on.
Art: Dwarves - final version by Grosnez on DeviantArt
