Heldannic bloopers
by Bruce Heard Here are 15 fatally-flawed
announcements found in otherwise well-intentioned notes posted on
the doors of various Heldannic commanderies...
1) Don't let the plague kill you. Let the Heldannic Temple
help.
2) Every New Moon - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to
follow.
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our Temple and
community.
4) At dawn tomorrow there will be ceremonies in the south and north
ends of the Temple. New brothers will be anointed at both ends.
5) Wednesday, the Ladies Cavalry Sisterhood will meet. Rev. Mother
Gertrud will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the
chaplain.
6) The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the
ladies will start (quietly), and the rest of the congregation will
join in.
7) Next Soledain a special collection will be taken to defray the
cost of the new temple tapestry. All those wishing to do something
on the new tapestry will come forward and get a piece of
parchment.
8) The ladies of the Temple have cast off clothing of every kind,
and they may be seen in the Temple basement at dusk.
9) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
is the Abyss?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
10) The AC 1014 Spring Council Retreat will be hell on Thaumont 20
and 21.
11) The Abbot has left to fight the war. Massages can be given to
the Temple prior.
12) Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.
13) The Knights' Choir invites any member of the congregation who
enjoys sinning to join the choir.
14) The Men-at-Arms prayer group will gather at dusk. Pork,
sauerkraut, and boiled potatoes will be served for a nominal
feel.
15) The Treasurer of the Temple unveiled the Order's new tithing
campaign slogan last week: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
(adapted from *ACTUAL* bulletins in RW churches)