The Honk That Hunts
by Reverend Dungeon MasterBased on a suggestion by Nick Dove (a really neat guy whose imagination isn't at all disturbing)
You step into the clearing, and the swamp glares back at you with the collective stink of rotten reeds, ancient muck, and a palpable sense of regret. Your boots sink into something that was probably a living thing last week. That’s when you hear it.
HONK!
Then another. And another. The sound crescendos into a cacophony of angry, entitled honking, the sort usually reserved for winged menaces that lurk in city parks, waiting to mug old ladies for stale bread. But this isn’t any normal goose. No, that would be far too merciful.
Emerging from the misty bog, its scales dripping with filth and bad intentions, comes a creature with a sinuous, serpentine body and six long necks. Each one is crowned with the unmistakable head of an enormous, furious goose. Eyes black as tax fraud, beaks poised to snap, wings spread in a grotesque display of avian rage.
You’ve just met the Hydrake, nature’s worst decision since the Owlbear.
Hydrake (Hydra Anserinus Maleficus)
Armor Class: 4
Hit Dice: 8 (each head has 6 HP, body has the rest)
Move: 90’ (30’) swimming, 60’ (20’) on land (waddling menacingly)
Attacks: 6 honking beak bites + 1 tail slap
Damage: 1d6 per beak, 2d6 tail slap
No. Appearing: 1 (mercifully)
Save As: Fighter 8
Morale: 10 (geese have no fear)
Treasure Type: C (probably stolen picnic baskets)
XP Value: 1,200
Special Abilities:
Multiattack: Six honking bites per round. Each hit forces a Save vs. Paralysis or the victim is stunned for 1 round from sheer, incomprehensible terror.
Head Regeneration: If a head is severed (good luck), two grow back in 1d4 rounds unless the stump is burned. This is not an improvement.
Honk of Dread: Once per turn, the Hydrake can unleash a deafening HONK. All creatures within 30’ must make a Save vs. Spells or flee in panic for 1d6 rounds, shame included.
Wing Buffet: Twice per day, the Hydrake can flap its horrible wings, creating a gust that knocks all creatures in melee range prone unless they make a Save vs. Breath Weapon.
THE FIGHT
You, being the paragons of wisdom and self-preservation that you are, choose to stand your ground instead of running. This is how you die.
The Hydrake lunges, six honking beaks seeking exposed flesh. The thief dodges nimbly, only to trip on a root and go down like a sack of turnips. The cleric brandishes their holy symbol and shouts something about divine protection, which the Hydrake acknowledges by biting them in the face. The fighter, filled with the bravado of someone who has never faced an apex predator, swings their sword. It connects! A head goes flying!
And then two more sprout in its place.
HONK HONK!
Now there are seven heads. Things are going well.
The wizard, likely the only one with a functioning brain, hurls a Fireball, immolating three heads and scorching the ground. The monster shrieks, the swamp sizzles, and for a moment, it looks like you might actually win. Then the Hydrake’s tail comes around like a battering ram, sending the party flying into the mud.
Your morale crumbles. The Hydrake’s does not.
With spell slots depleted and your dignity in tatters, the party makes a desperate break for it. The Hydrake honks victoriously as you stumble away, bruised, humiliated, and forever haunted by the sound of flapping wings.
You survived. Barely.
LOOT & XP TALLY
Treasure Hoard (if you actually won, which you didn’t):
1d4+2 golden picnic baskets (100 GP each)
A tarnished silver whistle (magical, casts Fear 1/day)
2d6 bottles of swan repellent (no mechanical effect, but smells terrible)
1 cracked goose egg (whispers blasphemies in your sleep)
XP Earned:
If you killed it: 1,200 XP
If you fled like reasonable people: 500 XP for surviving the worst thing nature ever produced
If you got bitten: +100 XP for learning a valuable life lesson
You limp away into the swamp, vowing never to speak of this again.
But the honking follows you. Always.
Art: image provided by Nick Dove, that really neat guy. And if that thing exists somewhere in nature, you people should go out into the wild and capture it. You can tour the world with it and make millions.
Alright, what's next? Which one of yous is got the best idea for the next EOTD? Comment below.
