Bog Standard Madness
by Reverend Dungeon Master“You never expected your adventuring career to end in a soggy hole full of screaming amphibians and boot-sucking sludge, and yet, here we are.”
YOU’RE IN IT NOW, MATE
You and your motley band of glory-hungry dungeon-crawlers have received a map. Well, “map” is generous. It’s a napkin with a stain that vaguely resembles a swamp and the words:
“BEHEMOTH HERE. SMELLS AWFUL. BRING SOAP.”
Naturally, you followed it.
Now, knee-deep in something that might be mud and might be yesterday’s stew, you trudge into The Muckfen Mire, home to:
THE BELLOWING BOG BEHEMOTH
Swamp guardian. Loud. Sludgy. Grumpy.
THE DUNGEON: Muckfen Mire
Environment: Foul swamp. Rancid pools. Passive-aggressive croaking.
Lighting: Dim and full of glowing mushrooms that are 70% toxic and 100% smug.
Hazards:
- Leeches: DC 13 Con save or lose 1 HP every 10 minutes. No, you can’t keep them as pets.
- Sticky Mud Traps: DC 14 Dex save or you're restrained and must spend an action extricating yourself with help or a very stern word.
- Squelching Soundtrack: Every step you take sounds like a kiss between two wet boots.
ROOMS AND ENCOUNTERS
1. THE SHRINE OF THE BOG QUEEN
A tilted stone altar to some long-forgotten swamp goddess. Covered in moss and regret. Enemies: 4 x Swamp Cultists (AC 11, HP 22 each, Dagger +3 to hit, 1d4+1 damage).
They chant, “The muck cleanses all!” which is optimistic at best.
Trap: One statue leaks paralytic goo. DC 14 Con save or lose a turn gagging.
Loot:
- A jade frog idol (worth 75 gp if you clean the slime off).
- 1 Potion of Water Breathing (half-full, tastes like pond).
- 35 gp in coins from five different nations, none legal tender.
b>2. THE SINKING LIBRARY
Bookshelves. In a bog. Great idea. Most tomes are unreadable, but one is dry (and smug about it).
Hazard: If you take longer than 1 minute searching, DC 13 Dex save or the floor gives out and you go full wet sponge mode.
Find:
- Scroll of Swamp Stride (Homebrew: Ignore difficult terrain in swamp, smell like basil for 1d6 hours).
- Diary of the Bellowing Behemoth’s previous keeper. Most entries just say: “STILL SMELLS.”
3. THE FROG PIT
A pit full of giant frogs. Obviously.
Enemies: 3 x Giant Frogs (AC 11, HP 18 each, Bite +3 to hit, 1d6+1 damage, DC 11 Strength or grappled).
If you fall in, they act like it's dinner theatre.
Treasure in the Muck:
- 1 rusted longsword (+0 to hit but very dramatic).
- 60 sp.
- Half a locket containing a picture of someone who looks disappointed in you.
FINAL ROOM: THE BOGGY THRONE
A massive dome of roots, slime, and questionable air quality. In the centre, sitting in a puddle with throne-like confidence, is…
THE BELLOWING BOG BEHEMOTH
CR 4 Boss Monster
- AC: 14 (Muddy Hide)
- HP: 75 (Swampy Strength)
- Speed: 30 ft, swamp-waddling pridefully
- STR 18, DEX 10, CON 16, INT 4, WIS 8, CHA 6
- Saves: Con +5
- Condition Immunities: Frightened (he's already terrifying)
Attacks:
- Club Smash (Boggy Bash!)
+6 to hit, 2d10 + 4 bludgeoning. Turns armour into damp origami. - Mud Toss (Slimey Sight-loss!)
+6 to hit, 2d4 + 4 bludgeoning. Target must make a DC 13 Con save or be blinded until end of next turn.
Special Abilities:
- Boggy Stench:
Any creature that starts its turn within 10 ft must succeed on a DC 13 Con save or be poisoned for one round. The smell is described in the Monster Manual as “violently aromatic.” - Submerge:
Once per round, the Behemoth may sink into the bog and reappear anywhere within 30 feet. May emerge dramatically through someone’s bedroll. - Bellow (Recharge 5–6):
The Behemoth lets out a roar so loud and wet that all creatures within 20 feet must make a DC 13 Wis save or be frightened for 1 round.
TREASURE TALLY:
Hidden beneath the Bog Throne, in a suspiciously clean iron chest sealed with frog wax:
- 500 gp in waterlogged coinage
- Potion of Giant Strength (Hill)
- +1 Club of Smacking (can be used to deal thunder damage instead of bludgeoning once per long rest; makes a cartoon bonk noise)
- Moss-Covered Cloak of Concealment (Advantage on Stealth checks in natural environments, disadvantage in civilised company)
- Amphibian Amulet (Grants the wearer the ability to speak with frogs and toads; may lead to disappointing conversations)
- One extremely detailed portrait of the Behemoth, signed “To Greg. Never forget the slime.”
EXIT STRATEGY
After defeating the Behemoth, the swamp starts to drain slightly, revealing a once-buried path back to dry land and better smells.
Unless of course, someone decides to wear the Behemoth’s crown and declare themselves the new Baron of Bogulence.
That’ll go well.
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This week's AOTW comes from the very first issue of DUNGEON DUNCE WEEKLY, an all new fanzine dedicated to our favorite TTRPG and its ever-growing community. Issue 1 features exclusive articles on ranking every class for 5.5, Armour Points (homebrew), a ridiculous amount of ads for ACTUAL* D&D in-game services and products (*not actually), and our feature ADVENTURE OF THE WEEKEND. Give it a read and send your complaints to the Complaint Department C/O Neiman Marcus 1.888.888.4757.