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I'm in a silly mood today, so here goes. Fair warning: Unless you're in the mood for silliness, do avoid...


by Jacob Skytte

Munchkin Stage I*

Armour Class: 0
Hit Dice: 1+2****
Move: 120' (40')
Sprinting: 480' (160')
Attacks: 1 weapon or 1 bite
Damage: By weapon or 1d3
No. Appearing 1d6 (1d6)
Save As: H8
Morale: 10
Treasure Type: (Vx3), G
Intelligence: 8
Alignment: Chaotic
XP Value: 31

Monster Type: Humanoid (Rare), in some dimensions (Common).

A Stage I Munchkin is a small, bald gnome-like humanoid, who will try to steal, cheat, and use any trick to obtain treasure and magical items. Munchkins are presumably reincarnations of people or monsters, who exhibited these traits in their former lives. Munchkins cannot reproduce, sexually or otherwise. Though Stage I Munchkins may move normally, they are usually seen sprinting around in a frenzy, both to confuse their opponents, and to get to the nearest treasure. When encountering multiple Stage I Munchkins, they will usually call themselves a party, though each of them is only concerned by its own health, and will constantly be looking for a chance to cheat and rob its companions.
The Stage I Munchkin has a low intelligence, and is difficult to engage in conversation. It can see invisible within 60', has thief skills as a level 20 thief, and can backstab with +4 to hit, inflicting twice normal damage. Unless the Stage I Munchkin is instantly destroyed or silenced, it will always mutter "No fair, you didn't give me a chance...", when killed, which will teleport it to one of three sanctuaries, where it will regenerate completely within 1 turn.
While a Stage I Munchkin may use any magical armour, it will only benefit from it, if it would reduce its Armour Class below 0. It may use any weapon in combat, but if cornered will often bite and tear at its opponents in frustration. It can only be hit by magical weapons.
Once a Stage I Munchkin has accumulated a set amount of treasure and magic it will evolve into the dreaded Stage II Munchkin. This will usually take less than a game year, since any longer would be unfair.
Terrain: Any.

Munchkin Stage II

Armour Class: -5
Hit Dice: 20********** (etc.)
Move: 120' (40')
Attacks: 4 x 2 weapons
Damage: 4 x By weapon +3/4 x By weapon +3 No. Appearing: 1 (1)
Save As: F36
Morale: 12
Treasure Type: (Vx15) Ax3, Gx5, Hx3, Nx2, Ox2 Intelligence: 5
Alignment: Chaotic
XP Value: 92375

Monster Type: Humanoid (Very Rare), in some dimensions (Awfully Common).

The Stage II Munchkin is the evolved form of a Stage I Munchkin. At Stage II the Munchkin becomes a large, bald human-looking (why human? They get more options) barbarian, at least 7 feet tall. It has by now collected immense amounts of treasure, but still seeks more. It is purely motivated by the lust for more treasure and powerful magic. Stage II Munchkins will never be seen in parties, since they seem to attack each other without pause, lusting for the other's items.
Even less intelligent than the Stage I Munchkin, a Stage II has no need for elaborate plans or boring conversation, it can settle any encounter by killing first and looting later. It can see invisible 120', detect magic at will, detect curses and their exact nature at will, and at any time has 5 wishes. It cannot be killed (if reduced to 0 hp or instantly destroyed, it will use a wish to avoid its fate and return to full hp. The wish is immediately replenished). It also cannot be held, charmed, or contained in any way. There are only two ways to deal with it. One is to banish it to an Outer Plane; it may not cross planar boundaries unless aided by a magic item or an Immortal. The other is to get two Stage II Munchkins together, since a Stage II Munchkin may use a wish (which is immediately replenished) to permanently kill another Stage II. It would be safest to leave the area, while the victorious Munchkin loots its rival.
A Stage II Munchkin may (and will) use any armour, but will only benefit from it, if its Armour Class is reduced below -5. It uses two weapons in combat, one in each hand, and has 4 attacks per round (may be hasted for 8 attacks per round) with each weapon, and does +3 additional damage when it hits. It is always a Grand Master with any weapon it uses. Sometimes it uses a shield, in which case it prefers shield weapons. It may also use any magical item regardless of class restrictions, and will recharge items that run out of charges (using a wish, which is immediately replenished).
Some Stage II Munchkins may be clerics or magic-users of 36th level of spell use, and a dreaded few are Mystics of 16th level. They all use the same statistics as the regular Stage II, but has all additional abilities from their class.
Terrain: Any.

Rumours abound of a Stage III Munchkin. This would in all likelihood be an Immortal creature of Full Hierarch status or an Old One. Only one such Munchkin can presumably exist at any time, and is known as "the patron of Munchkins" or "Munchkin DM".