The Hill Giant Who Missed the Memo on Portion Control
by Reverend Dungeon MasterYou’re trudging up a rocky trail, probably regretting every life decision that led you here, when the ground starts shaking. Not a little tremble, mind you. Full-on earthquake vibes. Then you hear it: the unmistakable sound of heavy chewing and a voice belting out what might generously be called a song. You’ve stumbled across a hill giant, and from the looks of it, he’s ready to add “adventurer tartare” to his menu.
The Setup
The trail leads to a clearing littered with smashed barrels, gnawed bones, and a pile of rotting hides. Perched on a rock that might double as a modest hill, the hill giant glares at you, clutching a tree-sized club. His grin is a perfect combination of menace and bad dental hygiene.
“Little people,” he growls, rising to his full, terrifying height. “You look tasty.”
Congratulations, you’ve got about six seconds to act before he turns you into his next snack.
Stats
Hill Giant (Chaotic)
Armor Class: 4
Hit Dice: 12+2 (HP: 60)
THAC0: 9
Damage: 2d8 (club) or 1d6 (rock throwing)
Special Abilities: Throws boulders with alarming accuracy (range 200’, attacks as a 6-HD monster).
Movement: 120’ (40’)
Treasure Type: E (details below).
Morale: 10 (he’s not running unless you do something really terrifying).
The Fight
The giant doesn’t waste time. A boulder, roughly the size of a wagon wheel, sails through the air, leaving little doubt about his intent. If you’re lucky, you dodge. If not, roll damage and start praying.
Getting in close is dangerous. That club swings like a windmill in a storm, capable of turning even the sturdiest hero into paste. But keep at it, whittling down his HP with arrows, magic, and sheer desperation eventually gets results.
Magic users, this is your moment. Lightning bolts, fireballs, or anything explosive will work wonders. And don’t forget to stay out of club range unless you enjoy involuntary flight.
Conclusion
After several tense rounds, the giant falls with a ground-shaking crash. Dust settles, the echoes fade, and the smell of singed giant fills the air. You’ve survived, somehow, and it’s time to check out the spoils.
Loot and XP
Digging through the mess of the giant’s camp, you find:
2000 gp in assorted coins (because giants apparently have a side hustle as bankers).
A +1 Shield (slightly dented but functional).
A Potion of Giant Strength (because irony is alive and well).
A cow carcass (technically edible, but let’s not).
For taking down the hill giant, each adventurer earns 1,250 XP.
Congratulations, you’ve successfully ruined one giant’s dinner plans and lightened his hoard. Now, what’s next?
