The Simian Syndicate
by Reverend Dungeon MasterYou crash through the jungle like a drunken tourist who took a wrong turn at Margaritaville. Vines slap your face. Bugs the size of your regrets dive-bomb your eyes. Then, just as you think things can’t get worse, the chattering starts. High-pitched. Mocking. Intelligible.
“Oi, what do we have here?”
The voice comes from above. You glance up. Bad move. A mango the size of a goblin’s ego slams into your forehead. Laughter erupts from the canopy. Monkeys. Not just any monkeys. These are The Simian Syndicate, an organized (if anarchic) tribe of highly intelligent, aggressively capitalist primates who have claimed this part of the jungle as their own. They speak fluent Common (with a slight Cockney accent, for some reason) and specialize in highway robbery, banana-based racketeering, and illicit trade in shiny objects.
One of them, a particularly smug orangutan in a vest, swings down and lands in front of you. He twirls a vine like a mob boss twirls a cigar.
“You’re in our turf, mate. That means the toll’s due. Now, we can do this the easy way, gold, gems, maybe a magical trinket, or we can do it the hard way, where me boys strip you down to your underoos and leave you tied to a tree.”
Behind him, a capuchin in a bowler hat spins a dagger. A gorilla wearing stolen plate mail cracks his knuckles. A dozen more monkeys, all wearing stolen bits of adventurer gear, grin at you from the branches.
Negotiation Options
Bribe Them: These monkeys love shiny things. Hand over at least 200 gp or a magic item, and they’ll not only let you pass, they’ll tell you about an ancient temple full of loot deeper in the jungle.
Outwit Them: A successful Charisma check (or a particularly good con) might convince them that you’re actually from the Adventurers’ Guild Collections Office, here to audit their banana exports. If they buy it, they scatter like roaches.
Fight Them: Good luck. They’re fast, organized, and really enjoy humiliating adventurers.
The Simian Syndicate
Syndicate Monkey
AC: 6
HD: 1+1
HP: 5
Move: 120’ (40’)
Attacks: 1 Weapon
Damage: 1d6
THAC0: 19
Morale: 8
Special: Thieves’ skills, steal as Pick Pockets 50%
Orangutan Boss
AC: 4
HD: 3
HP: 15
Move: 90’ (30’)
Attacks: 1 Weapon
Damage: 1d8
THAC0: 17
Morale: 10
Special: Speaks Common, can command monkeys as a Leader
Gorilla Enforcer
AC: 3
HD: 5
HP: 30
Move: 120’ (40’)
Attacks: 2 Punches
Damage: 1d10 each
THAC0: 15
Morale: 12
Special: Wears stolen plate mail, immune to Intimidation
Combat Tactics
The monkeys fight dirty. They throw fruit (-2 to hit, but humiliating), steal weapons mid-fight (50% chance to succeed), and swing away to harass from the trees. The Gorilla Enforcer wades in like a one-monkey demolition crew, while the Orangutan Boss barks orders and stays out of melee unless absolutely necessary. If reduced to half numbers, the monkeys flee, but not before throwing in a few parting insults.
Treasure & XP
If you manage to beat them, or con them out of their loot, you find the following in their treehouse hideout:
A sack of stolen gold (350 gp)
A set of engraved silver cutlery (worth 150 gp)
A pair of Boots of Speed (currently being used as a hammock by two capuchins)
A spell scroll of Summon Banana Swarm (don’t ask)
XP Awards:
Surviving the Encounter Without Losing Your Dignity: 200 XP
Successfully Conning Them: 400 XP
Winning a Fight Against the Syndicate: 750 XP
Getting Stripped Naked and Left in the Jungle: 10 XP and a lifetime of shame
Your move, adventurer.
Art: not today, haters of all things AI. But it'll be back. You've seen The Terminator. It always comes back.