Fast food...Glantrian style
by GreenbrierFair warning, if you didn't enjoy the Ierendi gazetteer you may not care for this. But hopefully you'll at least get a laugh, and if other McDonald's fans have any ideas to add or improve please do share!
micky wrote:
Today I met Master Chef Ronald McDonald of Glenmoorloch’s famed restaurant Tigh na Coin Beagan located on 36 Kelvingrove St
Micky you had no idea what could come from one off-handed comment about Aoz's pet rock picture...I expanded one of your creations just a bit-
"Oh no, ye won't catch none of those snobs dead at my place...but every scroll that comes out of their fancy Parliament is stained with Flaem fry grease from their fat, soft fingers..."
RONALD McDONALD
Ronald McDonald (Rake 5, Lawful) was born in AC 961 in Crownguard village, near the gloomy stronghold of the McGregor clan in the Principality of Klantyre. His father farmed, while his mother got a job as a cook for the noble household at the Tower of Crownguard itself after Ronald's younger brother Rory was born. The family would have been fine if things went on that way...but unfortunately his father increasingly spent his days at the tavern instead of tending sheep and growing potatoes.
Unfortunately for Ronald & Rory their mother began to seek solace in the bottle as well...when she wasn't working at the Tower. Few worked very long for the McGregor family, and Ronald's mother was called upon to work longer and longer hours. When she was home she had a haunted look and spent hours staring silently north towards the Tower and sipping whiskey. Fortunately she had taught Ronald her craft (and she was an excellent cook), so he did the best he could to keep Rory and his drunken parents fed with what meager victuals they had.
Nobody was really surprised when Mr. McDonald never came home one day in 971, and it was actually easier to keep the family fed without him blowing his wife's small income at the tavern. For a few years life was a little better - Rory was better able to help him with the chores as he got older and the McGregors did at least pay their mother faithfully. Everything changed one spring day in 976, Rory had just returned from his lessons at the Temple of Rad and was helping Ronald round up the sheep for the evening when a constable rode up to their simple home. Ronald was informed that their mother would not be coming home, as she had been thrown into the dungeons of Crownguard for stealing from the Prince of Klantyre.
Word spread in the village that Mrs. McDonald was caught stealing whiskey from the cellars at Crownguard. Ronald was ashamed but it made perfect sense - his mother always seemed to have a bottle of Blair Athol at hand and yet there was no way she could have afforded it. Ronald worried needlessly about how he would feed himself & Rory now, as two days later the constable returned along with an official from the castle. Prince Brannart had ordered the seizure of their home & flock as restitution for the years of theft, and the constable would escort Rory to an orphanage in Tavish. Ronald was close enough to being an adult that he was free to go on his way if he wished, but he had to go now. Ronald grabbed the few coins he had stashed in the house and set off walking east while the constable restrained his crying brother.
By the time Ronald made his way to Glenmoorloch he was almost out of money. He slept on the streets and soon had to resort to stealing food. This worked for a couple of weeks until he was apprehended by the constables while running away from a shop carrying a spiced ham, and the teenage "hamburglar" became the laughingstock of Glenmoorloch that spring. With no money to pay fines Ronald languished in the local jail for days, until one kind soul heard the tale of the hamburglar. The owner of Glenmoorloch's finest restaurant, the famed Tigh na Coin Beagan, did not think a hungry young man was something to laugh at whatsoever and came to the jail to pay the remaining fine & restitution Ronald owed.
Ronald found himself with shelter and a job washing dishes at Tigh na Coin Beagan. After what happened to his mother and his experience of being ridiculed as the hamburglar, he swore never to steal again and threw himself into honest hard work. He quickly moved up to peeling potatoes, and one night when 2 chefs were out sick everyone learned that the boy from Crownguard could cook...Ronald worked at the restaurant for the next 15 years and became a Master Chef. He dreamed of opening his own place, serving the simple foods of his youth to the common man at an affordable price, and finally in 991 McDonald's opened in Glenmoorloch.
McDonald's boomed in Glenmoorloch and by 997 Ronald had opened restaurants in Tavish and Kern (home to many Kaelic soldiers stationed at Fort Sablestone). By AC 1000 he was ready to take on the capital, and the first McDonald's in Glantri City opened outside the inner walls on Rad's Road, near the fire brigade and the markets (see Robin's map). McDonald's quickly developed a following in Glantri City, with some nobles even sending their servants out to carry sacks of fried goodies back to the Noble Quarter and the Parliament building itself. Ronald's chief rival in the capital was Lou Garou of Lou Garou's Fries (Gaz 3 pg. 43 in the Entertainers Quarter), a long-established Glantri City institution. The two restaurants engaged in price wars and frequent disparagement of the others offerings, until finally in 1005 after Morlay-Malinbois was enfeoffed Lou Garou sold out to Ronald and moved home to Loupmont. Ronald renovated the old tavern and in 1006 opened his new, flagship McDonald's in the heart of Glantri City's Entertainers Quarter.
ENTER THE OLD DRAGON
Soon after the grand opening of his new flagship restaurant, Ronald was fortunate to make a friend in a high place - Duchess Margaret Hillsbury of Fenswick was perhaps the biggest fan of his fries amongst all the Glantrian nobles. Her servants were frequently dispatched to the restaurant under cover of darkness (she knew that Prince Volospin would be appalled she was eating THAT) when she needed a fix. Eventually Ronald was summoned to the Hillsbury Mansion in the Noble Quarter where Margaret confessed her fondness for his wares, and explained that she had connections in Darokin and could lend him some money if he was interested in further expansion. Ronald jumped at the chance and thanks to the silent backing of the Duchess he was able to add restaurants in Braastar, Taterhill, Nyra, Corunglain and Darokin City itself. All of the restaurants have done extremely well, so well that when the Duchess died in AC 1010 Ronald was able to repay the loan to her daughter, Princess Dolores, in full. Ronald took a sack of fries to their one and only meeting and the Princess looked at him like he had three heads when he offered her the sack (she was quite pleased to accept the letter of credit from the Bank of Glenmoorloch though).
THE FUTURE
Ronald has plans for further expansion in both Glantri and Darokin, and he dreams of a restaurant in massive Thyatis City itself one day. He has met a few times with Ambassador Michele Karendas about this, and plans a trip soon to Thyatis to scout for the right location. He was able to track down Rory a few years ago and was pleased to find that he joined the Grand Army out of the orphanage and has done quite well for himself, now married with a young daughter. Rory's daughter Wendy has tested high for magic potential and Ronald has told his brother he wants to pay for her to attend the Great School, so that she can have the opportunities in Glantri that they never did.
THE RESTAURANTS
All McDonald's are solidly built of light brown stone, with large windows to let in ample light. Ronald insists on cleanliness and now that he is quite successful he pays for teleports to his various restaurants frequently to make surprise inspections. Each location is run by a manager who spends at least 6 months working with Ronald in the flagship restaurant before taking the reins at his or her location. All locations use the same sign, with Ronald's logo of a gracefully arched golden "M".
THE FOOD
Ronald's signature dish is a simple fried pie filled with diced potatoes and mutton, the filling staple foods of rural Klantyre that he grew up on. Along with these hot pies Ronald serves fried potatoes called "Flaem fries" (these deep-fried strips of potato are commonly attributed to chefs of Nouvelle Averoigne, but were actually invented by the Flaems) with an array of dipping sauces. The sauces are key to his success - customers receive their choice of an Aalbanese spicy mustard, Averoignian mayonnaise, or Ronald's special concoction of red sauce, based upon an Ochalean fish sauce recipe he found in an old Thyatian cookbook and made with tomato paste, sugar and salt. These culinary delights are washed down with Klantyre whiskey (a much cheaper brand than Blair Athol).
One key to McDonald's success is having the children of Glantri tug on the sleeves of their parents robes and beg to be taken there. For the kiddies Ronald serves Happy Meals, which consist of a few chunks of deep-fried, battered chicken and a small portion of Flaem Fries along with a syrupy concoction of colored sugar water. The prize is the real attraction though - each Happy Meal sack contains a small wooden toy or gewgaw which Ronald buys in bulk from Erewan (where some elderly elves happily whittle and carve the trinkets, enabling them to still be creative and feel useful).
THE STAFF
Staff in all locations wear Kaelic kilts and matching berets in the pattern of Clan McDonald.
At the flagship store in the Entertainers Quarter, Ronald pays street urchins to wear garish costumes and run about the Quarter during peak mealtimes, shouting "Hot Pies! McDonalds! Hot Fries!" These amusing nuisances have become known as the "Fry Guys". In recent years some kobolds and goblins have also found employment as Fry Guys, the humanoids LOVE McDonald's and Ronald has been happy to help some of these newest Glantrians find gainful employment.
Ronald also pays students from the Great School of Magic who are able to cast at least 3rd level spells to fly over Glantri City trailing banners that read "EAT AT McDONALDS" on good weather days. Ronald calls these his "birdies", and the combination of easy money & spell practice at the same time makes these jobs highly sought after.
GRIMACE
After expanding to the capital Ronald was approached by a necromancer who suggested he could save a fortune on labor costs by using undead servants to staff his restaurants. Ronald threw the wizard out as the very idea brought back unpleasant memories of the tales he heard growing up near Crownguard. He did start to think about using magic though...and it didn't quite work out. Ronald hired a wizard who claimed to be experienced with magical constructs to create a prototype tireless worker for him. The wizard tried to make a clay golem for Ronald but used too much water and didn't let the clay dry long enough...resulting in what some have derisively called a "dough golem". For unknown reasons the golem also turned a deep shade of purple, and it's features are permanently frozen in an unnatural grin. Ronald fired the wizard, but has developed a soft spot for "Grimace", as he calls the golem. Grimace is able to follow simple instructions and is unfailingly loyal to Ronald, but he frightens some customers and so is normally kept in the kitchen during the day where his job is stirring the various vats of sauce. At night Grimace serves as a guard, standing silently in the dark flagship restaurant and grinning eerily into the night.
